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Okay I am depressed...


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I have internet now and I can't even talk myself into coming here to check in. I have been eating but not as bad as I have in the past, what worries me most right now is that my chair has taken on the shape of my ass. I don't move and that is really getting to me. I lost all the progress I had made although I am still able to sleep in my bed. my breathing has gotten worse and walking and standing has gotten hard again. I know I need to exercise but I don't. I don't have a job and had to sign up for food stamps. I haven't even left the house very often. I need to do at least one thing to try to get back on the horse so I decided to start here. I am going to try to come back here every day and write again. I know it will help my head space and hopefully my body space too.

My new apartment is lovely though and one other thing it does is it forces me to look at myself in the mirror. I have four closets with sliding doors and the doors or big mirrors. There is one across from me in the living room and one just outside the bathroom door and one in my bedroom as well as my kids room. No matter where I go in my home there I am staring back at me. It makes it harder to ignore my problems. Yet somehow I still am.

Hopefully I will get back here daily. I need to work my self out of this head space and get it back together.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
WONKAONESHOE 1/21/2011 10:19AM

    I'm sorry you have been depressed. I know how hard it is to keep going when nothing motivates you. I lost my dad last june after being on SP consistently for 6 weeks. I had lost 15 pounds. Then when my dad died I went completely off. I kept trying to get back on. It was in my head daily to do it. I posted a few blogs during that time,knowing I would do it just trying to get the gumption to start. Six months later I am back on and feeling great.

Losing your job is tough. But I would suggest you take it as an opportunity to focus on you! The stressors of life will never be gone, we have to perservere through. Making healthy changes in our life during those times can make our outlook better and therefore increase our opportunities.

You can do this! You are strong! You are worth it! We are here for you!

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ANGELSANDYBABY 12/19/2010 12:41PM

    Hi girl!!
It's been a few days now that you posted this....
How are you doing? Baby steps...You know you can do it - You have before :)
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DTSOBEL 12/16/2010 3:30AM

    Baby steps. Go back to the beginning steps of sparkpeople and pick A small goal. We are here to support you.

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SHIPESTA 12/15/2010 3:17PM

    I hope you can find your way back tomorrow - I've missed ya. :)

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TXDREAMSPINNER 12/15/2010 3:15PM

    I am so sorry you are going through this. It is good that you are back, just the smallest step of getting on here and posting can help you stay connected. I agree with everyone else, get moving one small step at a time. Exercise is one of the best cures for depression. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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SUSANS111 12/14/2010 10:13PM

    Yeay!! You're back!
Try not to be too hard on yourself. Think of one of the good thing about yourself and concentrate on that so you don't beat yourself up.
Try some really little things to get moving. Maybe keep the remote farther away so you have to get at least part way up to start. One thing I tried a while back when I was having a hard time extracting my butt from the couch cushions, was to set a goal to drink my 8 glasses of water, but I made myself get up and get fresh water from the sink each time. At 4 ounces each time, that was 16 times I lifted my butt. After a while I started feeling like moving more again.
Good luck!!!
I know you can do it!

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PEGTIGER 12/14/2010 7:27PM

    Small steps. Getting back online is a wonderful first step. Now plan out your next step.

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MAKULEWAHINE 12/14/2010 6:28PM

    This is a hard time of year for a lot of people for various reasons. I had one like that a couple of years ago. I just couldn't move!! I was furious with myself. So this year I decided to meet it head on and determined that I would go out even if I didn't feel like it. Even if it was to get the mail:))

Most important, don't get down on yourself. My favorite saying recently has been "it is what it is". Meaning it just "is", not good, not bad. You have made a great start coming back here to get the support you need. Step one: accomplished. Now stand up and do a couple of .........whatever counts as exercise to you:) Sometimes I won't let myself do a fun thing until I do something else that has to get done.

I know you can find ways to motivate yourself. Just think of that bike and how it will feel in the spring riding down by the water. You can do this, I know it:)

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BARBARASDIET 12/14/2010 6:02PM

    Step one done--step two, go outside for a short walk!!

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