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    EMILY1244   72,249
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints

The Best Christmas Present

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Monday, December 13, 2010

Yesterday marked a big milestone, one I wasn't expecting. I lost 4+ pounds this week making my total 83+ lbs lost since February. 83! That seems like an imaginary number. That is a number that people make their GOAL. "I would like to lose 80 lbs." That is a GOAL, and I still have farther to go. This knowledge makes me happy in that it is a HUGE accomplishment that SHOULD be celebrated, but it also makes me incredibly sad. So much so, that it overshadows that joy. I know that I will be able to celebrate my accomplishment. I will celebrate with a longer run, because I know that 80 lbs ago I would have NEVER thought to RUN. 80 lbs ago, I would have celebrated with chocolate, or cookies or cupcakes. 80 lbs ago running would be something I would do solely because something was chasing me. 80 lbs ago I never would have had the thought to run and then still look forward to Zumba class that night. That is what I am going to do today.

Despite these HUGE changes the sadness lingers. The sadness that after shedding 80 lbs from my body I still have more to lose. Sadness that I lived my life that way. A mourning at the time I lost. There is a sorrow for Fat Girl. What did she do to deserve that kind of treatment? Is that why she rears her head when I about to achieve something HUGE (like crossing that line to One-derland) and tries to stop it? There is a mourning that needs to happen I think. For that poor girl. This is the best I can do for her. I will do what I can to make Fat Girl healthy and happy. It is the most I can do for her because no matter how I used to treat her, she was me once, and I deserve this. After 80 lbs and more tears than I care to remember, I can say with all my heart that I deserve this. Do you know what a break through that is? I know you do.

I can't ask for anything more this Christmas. To be able to look at myself and know that no matter what stands in my way, even if its my former self, I will be able to overcome it. I will be able to share my journey and my story and the lessons i have learned with anyone who wants to hear them. I will reach a healthy weight. I WILL. Maybe for Christmas I will see a 1 in front of my weigh in, but even if I don't, I know that there is always the next week. I know that not meeting a goal that week isn't a failure, it is a chance to do better. There is my Christmas gift to you. Its not a failure. It is a chance to do better. Give yourself the chance to do better next week. Don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on what you want. Make your dreams real through real work, sweat and tears and it will come to you. It will. Trust me. Now if you will excuse me I am going to wipe away my tears and go for a run.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
TIME4ME-CHERYL 9/26/2011 10:51PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KIWIEVIE 5/6/2011 12:48PM

    You are 1 Tough + Determined + Motivated + Inspiring Person!
Congrates on your lose - 80 pounds. emoticon
You Rock!
Good Luck with your journey!
Evie emoticon emoticon

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SMAIDA 3/23/2011 3:09PM

    I really enjoyed reading this blog. Congratulations on all of your accomplishments! You have the attitude of a CHAMPION!

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NINABEAUBINA 3/9/2011 3:06PM

  You are so beautiful. Inside and out. You make me proud of your amazing accomplishment. Stand tall.

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SAABBOB 3/5/2011 9:34AM

  Thanks. I found your blog to be very inspiring. I'm trying to sound myself with all sorts of motivation and your blog will be one close to my heart

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EUNIQ3 3/1/2011 1:46PM

    this was a beautiful story. Very touching. I would like to congratulate you on your accomplishments so far. I can't imagine how hard it was for you, but you made it this far. That alone in itself is the greatest accomplishment ever. And don't worry. By Christmas there will be a 1 as the first digit.. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KIMSFREE2010 2/22/2011 10:36PM

    You are fantastic. Thank you for sharing. It helped me face some of the fears I have, just starting Spark 3 weeks ago after being away from it for a year.
Thank you, Kimberly

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CL2MGUNN 2/11/2011 12:35AM

  I really like your blog it hit something inside of me to go
foreward thank

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JKENT300 2/10/2011 2:48AM

  Thank you for your blog. I see there's at least one more person out there who feels and sees himself/herself as you appear to see yourself.
And your Courage to keep going is inspiring. If we fall, we keep getting back up because now and the future, not the past, are what's important.
Thank you again, and keep chugging little Engine that could.

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PINEVILLEGIRL 1/25/2011 8:44AM


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PINEVILLEGIRL 1/25/2011 8:43AM

    Thanks...that was just the push I needed to look at my FatGirl and tell her that I'm sorry but it now time for us to part. I put her aside along time ago but never really let her go and as a result I gained back 15 of the 30 pounds I had shead. Now it's time to give her a goodbye hug and push past those 15 pounds and all the way to my goal weight.

Thank you so much for reminding me that some friends (my FatGirl version of me) are meant to be let go and we will survive without them, a happier and healthier person. emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/25/2011 8:45:27 AM

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HCARTZ1964 1/23/2011 7:26AM

    awesome! May you be blessed on your journey to a healthier you!!

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LUCKYLOU51 1/19/2011 2:45PM

    Your story was inspirational. Thanks for sharing. Gives me hope when I don't have much. emoticon

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SHATZE1 1/19/2011 10:31AM

    Wow what an inspirational article. Loved it and it is so true. Keep up the good work.

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HOPE2002 1/19/2011 9:49AM

    that is awesome thank you for your story emoticon

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LYRICB 1/18/2011 4:46PM

    You Go Girl!!! What an inspiration you are!!!

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AUTZIG 1/18/2011 2:48PM

  Thank you. You made me cry with your post and you gave me just the inspiration I didn't know I needed.

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HLPRATT 1/17/2011 10:00AM

    old self/new self. They are different people aren't they? Wise insights

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NARGES_GHA 1/16/2011 10:34AM

  hi i really thanked you for share this blog . i 'm really interesting in your courage . especially this statement of you . you said " make your dream real through real work".

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EVIE_JIM 1/16/2011 8:14AM

    How inspirational! Thanks so much for sharing.

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CAROLB46 1/15/2011 11:01PM

  You have accomplished something great with your courage and strength. Donít be sad, be proud!!!

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RETIREDSIZE6 1/15/2011 1:07PM

    Don't waste time blaming yourself for your past weight or unhappiness. Start now and look at the good things your life brought during that time.

I hate the fat my body is carrying, but I would keep every ounce for the three kids that came with it.

Look how strong you've been to lose the weight you've lost so far!

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SANDRAFITONE 1/15/2011 10:44AM

  thank you and WELL DONE. Best wishes a very brave blog to share such personal feelings. WELL DONE and THANK YOU.

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CIERAPOET 1/13/2011 7:28PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

You are a Winner!!!

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CRAFTYGAIL 1/13/2011 11:29AM

  Wow, you have been doing this since 1983....congrats on your accomplishments. You have made a life change, something that I have not done, seems that I can't for me is a habit, and a comfort still. I must change or I will die and early death. I know that I am fortunate that I can still do exercise and have not developed diabetes as of yet. You have given me the kick I need, this honest blog of yours, and I have been given a challenge. I accept this Jan. 13, 2011.

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QTOWERS1 1/12/2011 4:11PM

  Great blog!!Very heartfelt!!

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    emoticon You have hit the nail on the head with this blog!

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KJDOESLIFE 1/12/2011 3:16PM

    What helped me continue on was to apologize to my old self that I wasted so much time and made so many excuses. And then I followed that up with a promise to continue to do good for myself. Great job!

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FARFROMASAINT 1/12/2011 3:11PM


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    you go girl!!! emoticon

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MARIE_S 1/12/2011 11:58AM

    I know exactly what you mean...I feel so bad about how I used to treat my body, but I never put it into words so well. It's sad to think that I'll never get that time back that I spent overeating and being unhappy with myself. But it's an extremely positive experience to work on a better me and to read about others' accomplishments.

Thanks for sharing your story. You're doing great!


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MOOMOO40 1/12/2011 9:20AM

    Great blog!! I love your story!! emoticon

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    emoticon your weight loss is emoticon

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TRUETOU 1/11/2011 9:56PM

    you've done so good...way to go!!

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JOYFULJOY3 1/11/2011 9:33PM

    Christmas is a time full of temptations, and we all succumb. Food is just sooooo lovely. A cut off date is maybe the way to go, a date to get back on track, and be pleased to have enjoyed all that Christmas fare!! Well done to you, and thank you for your story, its very motivating. emoticon

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LADYHAWKE917 1/11/2011 9:14PM

    Very inspiring. Thank you.

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DGARDENER 1/11/2011 8:07PM

    Wow, I am encouraged.

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CHAMBLLG1 1/11/2011 12:49PM

  That's great! I wish I could dig deep enough to get motivated. emoticon

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KMGONZO 1/11/2011 12:42PM

  What an inspiration! Congratulations on your huge success. With your attitude, you can move mountains!

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COOLCUKE 1/11/2011 11:28AM


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WAIRLADY 1/11/2011 8:07AM

  Awesome! Very encouraging and keep up the good work.

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FITITGIRL 1/11/2011 7:44AM

    You are an inspiration!

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MAAPPLIED 1/11/2011 4:15AM

  You go girl and thanks as I hadn't thought about the person I am losing, my larger self who is happy to sit and do nothing and eat. Perhaps I need to mourn a little too. That might just be the step I am missing to help me move forward. emoticon

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JCRIGER 1/10/2011 10:42PM

  WOW! You are quite an inspiration! Thanks for taking the time to blog about your journey!

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MRSGFAE 1/10/2011 10:22PM

    I've got goosebumps and tears in my eyes!! I love the honesty. CONGRATULATIONS!! And thank you for being so candid.

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    You keep going, girl. Awesome!

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JO_POW 1/10/2011 7:22PM

    I guess, like everything in life, there are always "should haves' in our past. We can only look forward. . . .
What a bright future we are all going to have as healthy people!
Congrats and I admire all your hard work!

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KNOWING-ME 1/10/2011 7:10PM

    Congratulations!!! That's is so awesome. emoticon

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PHYLLIS2741 1/10/2011 6:23PM

  Fantastic encouragement message. I'm just starting my journey and I can use all the good news out there. Thanks for sharing.

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KAZFROMOZ 1/10/2011 2:47PM

  Be nicer to yourself - you have shown the Fat Girl that she is a worthy person. My husband gave up smoking 3 months ago, and woke up this a.m. thinking, he'd go downstairs for a cigarette... then realised when he was totally awake, he didn't do that anymore, (and made me some coffee instead). We all get the negative feedback voice from time to time - counteract by delaying the gratification by half an hour. Do something else in that time, usually works pretty well, and tell that nasty voice to pipe down!

Comment edited on: 1/10/2011 2:49:00 PM

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Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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