Friday, December 10, 2010
Coach Dean suggests writing a vision statement for why you want to lose weight and be healthy, so here's mine.
I would like to be fit and healthy, and at an appropriate, attractive weight for me, because -- well, this is horrible -- the first thing that comes to mind is "because I want to look good. I don't want to be the frumpy-looking person I've become." I don't really like that motivation, but I have to be honest and admit that it's my strongest one. Maybe I should just go with it?
It was such a feeling of exhilaration a year ago to see myself in the mirror at the gym in the step class, and to realize how really great I looked, and how free it felt to be able to fly over and around the board and not pant and struggle as I do now. I guess I felt free. I also felt scared, as SO many people told me how wonderful I looked. I felt very much exposed and conspicuous, and probably vulnerable.
So probably part of my psyche doesn't want to lose weight. Part of me wants to be "safe" and stay in the back of the cave. But the part that does want to lose weight is making a really big stink!
Though I'm scared, I do want to live my life fully. I don't have to lose weight to do that, but I think I'm ready to be out of the prison of compulsive eating and excess weight.
I want to live a high-quality life as I get older, without the illnesses and handicaps that unhealthy eating can bring.
I want to deal with the emotional weights that have dragged me down all these years, and that I kept stuffed down by eating compulsively.