Friday, December 10, 2010
Change is always exciting and scary for me, but it is part of life. I have, over the years, noticed that one big life change seems to snowball into other big life changes. "From a tiny spark may burst a mighty flame".
When my kids were little I was kind of stuck... a super morbidly obese, slightly unhappy, tired, lonely, stay at home, college drop out, mother. The first change I made was going back to school and finishing that degree. I got better grades then I did as a younger student because I knew the importance of that degree and I was motivated (straight A's... 98 and 100 percents in most courses). It's amazing what a little motivation can do. I started volunteering which led to a part time job at my children's school. I love volunteering and I love working with children. The job was great because I still got to be "mom" when the kids were home, but I got to get out and meet people and make a little money. From that job, I got a better job at the school, and then I got another job that paid even better. Then I tackled the super morbidly obesity issue... and it was a good change. It was a great change. It was scary to give up my protective layer, there were reasons I kept it so long, but it was a great change. Losing 160 pounds has been surreal and the coolest experience. I love the way I feel. I am just full of energy these days. I could walk all day. I still have some weight to lose, but my body feels good to me now. I am fine with myself... just still aiming for that smaller size. I learned that I love running and moving and the more I move the more I want to move. "A body in motion, stays in motion" and "energy creates energy". From these changes have come other changes. Next Friday, I am interviewing for another position that I really want with my school district, and from there who knows... Recently, I have realized that I was unhappy with some relationships, and I am starting to change those. I know I can't change other people, so I have become comfortable with the idea that if it doesn't make me happy, then I can take care of myself. I just need to keep moving.
I am turning 39 on Sunday. When I turned 29, I was depressed and sad because my life wasn't where I wanted it. I am feeling much happier and more optimistic these days. I feel in control of my life most days. There are days where I feel like a bit of a confused mess, but it's my mess and when I sort out what I want, I will achieve it. My husband told me I was having a midlife crisis the other day. I looked at all these changes the other day and I wondered if maybe I was having some kind of mid life crisis, but a good friend and fellow sparker reminded me the other day that even if that is what it is, there are reasons for a midlife crisis. It really is about knowing that I want to live the rest of my life happier, than I was during that first half. So, I am running with it... if a midlife crisis helped me achieve a BA, a healthier body, and freedom to enjoy my life.... Hooray for the midlife crisis! I am just going to keep on moving forward. Change is scary, but it can be so good.