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On Getting Ready for Christmas....


Wednesday, December 08, 2010

The other night I was putting the finishing touches on my homemade Christmas decoration for work. The contest: make a creative homemade Christmas decoration or ornament using at least one item from your work area. Tricky assignment for me who works with women who wet their pants...
But I rose to the challenge and turned a specimen pan (the kind that slips under a toilet seat and collects urine) into a hot tub for Santa and Rudolph complete with a rectal probe Christmas tree.
Anyhow, while cursing the fact my probe tree wouldn't glue to the plastic pan (suture saved the day) my daughter text messaged my phone out of the blue --
Her: I'm a plescatarian now
I sighed with relief. We raised her Lutheran and she turned Catholic when she got married. I was Ok with that. I mean I always considered being Lutheran kind of like being Catholic Lite. But a couple of weeks ago she announced she was going to be Buddhist. "Relax", I told my husband. "She is newly divorced and just rebelling against anything her ex-husband participated in. It won't last long". I texted her back --
Me: I think that you will find it fits you better than worshiping Buddha. What is it? A cross between a Presbytarian and an Episcopalian?
Her: It's not a religion, Mother, and yes I'm still studying Buddhism. I just don't eat meat anymore, only fish.
Me: Why??
Her: I can't bring myself to eat anything that caused suffering to another being, but I can't give up sushi.
Me: I wasn't aware that fish were offered a valium when pulled from the water....

Her: So we'll be eating Cuban grilled fish when you are here Christmas Eve. I'm starting a new tradition and each year the kids and I will adopt a new country to study and enjoy the cuisine. They can eat turkey blah blah at their dad's house.

Suddenly the memory of the last time I talked my husband into taking me to a pricey seafood restaurant sprang to mind. He doesn't really care much for fish, but can tolerate shrimp once in a while. The first thing he said when we entered the restaurant was "It smells like fish in here"!
"Really? What was your first clue"? I replied a little sarcastically.
I noticed when we were seated and perusing the menu that he was beginning to look a little pale. He shut the menu abruptly and asked me to just order him some shrimp. I got the Chilean sea bass. We hadn't taken two bites of our entrée when he suddenly stood up and bolted for the door. I summoned the waitress to box up our remaining food, paid the bill, and left only to find him throwing up all over the front steps of the restaurant. I saw people turning around in disgust and walking back to their cars. I knelt down beside him and asked couldn't he have made it to our car - or at least some place - somewhere away from the FRONT steps? All the while I was waving my styrofoam box around his head. He looked up at me and proclaimed:
"EXCUUUUUUUSE ME FOR BEING SICK! AND DON'T EVEN THINK THAT YOU ARE TAKING THAT SMELLY FISH INTO THE CAR"! I chucked the $25.00 Chilean sea bass into the bushes...
I texted my daughter back --
Me: You will cause your father to suffer.
Her: He can grill a steak. I'm trying to establish my own traditions. Humor me. PLEASE
Mom....
I broke it to my husband, hollering down the stairs to where he was watching TV:
"Your daughter is a plescatarian now".
"You were right" he replied, "The whole Buddhist thing was a phase"
Oh little does he know....

Despite the knowledge that my Christmas dinner would not be my white wine and butter basted turkey with twice baked sweet potatoes, I rustled up some Christmas spirit as I finished my decoration and started writing a little poem to go with it. After all, I thought, Christmas is about celebrating Christ's birth with your loving family. Not about what we eat.

Twas The Day After Christmas
Twas the day after Christmas and Santa was done.
It was time to relax. It was time to have fun!
So he filled up the hot tub and called, "Come on Mrs. C"!
As he sank into the bubbles -- it was pure ecstasy!
He closed his eyes and laid back letting his thoughts scatter
When all of a sudden he heard a great clatter!
Hooves on the hot tub -- right before Rudolph jumped in --
Landing with a splash right up to his chin.
"Oh no"! Santa cried. "You're not invited"!
But Rudolph narrowed his eyes and refused to be slighted.
"Hold the phone, Fat Man -- I seem to recall
A certain someone promising me ANYTHING at all
If I'd guide his sleigh that foggiest night"!
At that Santa laughed and said, "You are Right"!
"You not only saved Christmas, but therefore my rear,
So enjoy a good soak, Rudolph my Dear".
And to all who are reading this, I have one thing to say ---
Ho Ho Hope that you have a GREAT holiday!

(Even if it means eating Cuban grilled fish....)


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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
ZELLAZM 12/11/2010 9:20AM

    Love it! The tree, especially. :)



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BRIARROSE30 12/9/2010 8:20PM

    Speaking as a daughter, I can tell you that it's best to just let her do it and not give her any motherly advice. Chances are it will not turn out as planned and the kids won't be too pleased either. When I do things like this, it's always kind of an establishing my independance kind of thing. Your daughter will be much more likely to come to the conclusion that it doesn't work if she tries it and finds out on her own that she doesn't like it.

On the other hand, who knows, maybe it will be the best meal ever! emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/9/2010 8:21:46 PM

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HAPPYSOUL91 12/9/2010 10:02AM

    Very funny, I know you will like the dinner. As far as your husband....maybe he can eat his steak in front of the TV ....out of the room! emoticon

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WISLNDR 12/9/2010 5:56AM

    I loved this blog! Thanks for nonstop giggles early in the morning!!

Comment edited on: 12/9/2010 5:56:25 AM

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DDOORN 12/8/2010 10:40PM

    Such a creative jokester! :-)

I'M the seafood lover in our home...and usually order various seafood when dining out as it's a chance for me to indulge as DW, while not *QUITE* as averse as your DH, is no fan...!

You and yours have a WONDERFUL holiday season...seafood and all...lol!

Don

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JUSTLYLE 12/8/2010 10:23PM

    O K, you've done it now, I couldn't stop laughing and my back-hip is killing me. Never will read another one of your blogs with what my new found friend [Chiropractor} claims is my rear out of line. I can smell the fish from here.
Keep those bedpans fresh!
And their doing a cat litter commercial on TV now, all just a coincidence suppose?

Skeeter
emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/8/2010 10:23:57 PM

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CARRAND 12/8/2010 10:07PM

    I love your decoration! I hadn't heard the story about your husband and the fish. Poor guy. I hope he doesn't have a similar reaction to your daughter's fish. All you can do is be patient with her. She's still pretty young. Some year you and your husband can come here for Christmas!

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IMREITE 12/8/2010 10:04PM

    very cute poew and the decoration sounds neat too! Hope you and your hubby still do some old traditions that you enjoy

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OUTDOORGIRL70 12/8/2010 9:56PM

    Thanks. I really enjoyed that and good luck to your DH on eating at the daughters for Christmas.

Comment edited on: 12/8/2010 9:56:46 PM

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SMILEYBABS 12/8/2010 9:54PM

    I love your creative decoration, poem and fish sentiment.
Peace,
Barbara

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SHOSHANADP 12/8/2010 9:52PM

    Great decoration! I hope everything goes well with the Christmas meal. I'm glad that you remember what the important part of the day is (Jesus' birth). Despite what people think, Christmas is a religious holiday. I wish the focus would return to that. (All this coming from someone who does not follow the Christian faith, and therefore does not celebrate Christmas).

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PINKHOPE 12/8/2010 9:48PM

    Cuban Grilled Fish huh? Well, I will add this anecdote. Years back our family was to gather on Christmas with siblings driving up to 3 hours home. A sudden, deep snowfall thwarted the attempts of one sibling and family and made another very late. The big meal ended up being mostly frozen leftovers. We arranged to meet at a Cracker Barrel restaurant 2 days later that was an equidistant drive for all.

One car after another pulled into the lot. We went in and got a huge table and ate then came out and literally had Christmas in the parking lot - packages sitting on trunks of cars and kids squealing in the parking lot over toys. Was it the Christmas we had imagined? No. BUT we still talk about it every year and those kids are now grown with babies of their own and they love to tell about the "Cracker Barrel Christmas".

Go eat your fish and enjoy your family :) You will be remembering this too in years to come :)

Have a great one!

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