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    MINNA72   69,621
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Self-flagellation - of sorts.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Noun 1. self-flagellation - self-punishment inflicted by whipping
self-punishment - punishment inflicted on yourself

Well, isn't that an apt description... emoticon

I woke up a few days ago, and stepped up on the scale to weigh in for a new challenge I am taking part of. Horror of all horrors: 80.3 kg. I got off the scale, thinking that it must be some sick kind of joke. Tried again, nope, still 80.3. Feeling a little nauseous by now. A thousand thoughts racing through my head, because I swore to myself that I would never, ever, ever, ever see that number on the scale again. Yet there it was.

Tried to find explanations for it: less running due to bad weather, stress, sleeping badly, maybe that dessert I had four days ago.

In the end it doesn't matter, because if I'm honest to myself I should have seen this coming. For the past few weeks I have felt some tighter jeans feeling TOO tight and I've felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't like looking at photos of myself, but I forced myself to look through recent pics and that's when I found it.


You all know what I'm talking about. The one that you stare at not quite believing what you see at first, then fighting back tears and in the end some sort of fire starts burning in your belly. The fire of determination, commitment, shame all rolled into one.

I have not tortured my way through Insanity and a half-marathon training program to end up back with those tummy rolls. No frickin' way.

Enter my phase of self-flagellation.

I think a good first step is to increase the amount of cardio. So instead of just doing the P90X workouts, I've been killing myself with an Insanity workout first. And guess what? They really are insane. I have been feeling suitably punished. emoticon

Second step is to clean up my diet. I think overall I eat pretty well. I rarely exceed my calorie range, but I think I could pay more attention to the ratio between carbs/protein/ fat.

Third step is to try to reduce the amount of stress I'm under and to get more sleep. Sounds so easy, but trust me, this is going to be the hardest part. That pic above? I crashed the minute I came home from work. Overworked, too little sleep, too little time to focus on what is really important in life.

I started week 4 of P90X yesterday, it's recovery week. Synergistics is on the menu tonight. I've already done Insanity Plyo. And then I will call it a night.

Hopefully I'll be done beating myself up over this soon and can find myself in a happier place. I mean, there is a limited entertainment value to self-flagellation too, believe it or not. emoticon

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
RHARRIS80 12/9/2010 10:04AM

    Showing my support as you get back on that train! P90X kicks butt! I've seen what it can do to people. Don't be so hard on yourself for going back on the scale - as other's have said, stress can do a lot to someone's body! The important thing here is that you are starting again! emoticon

p.s. I actually think that picture is adorable! Look at how your daughter is holding you. So precious!

Comment edited on: 12/9/2010 10:10:16 AM

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ILOVEROSES 12/6/2010 7:24AM

    I am sure by Wed morning when you get on emoticon the 8...will be gone forever, never to return! I am sure emoticon

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NUOVAELLE 12/6/2010 1:58AM

    I call this the "first-digit change". And I happen to talk about the exact same digits. When you leave the "eighties" and you enter the "seventies", you promise yourself you'll never, ever, ever see this 8 again. I know, I've done it, too. And when it happens - for a number of reasons - you just can't believe you let yourself down and all you want to do is punishment!
Now, take a deep breath and think. Ok, you've made some mistakes - deliberately or without even knowing it - and you've set yourself back a few steps. But you know exactly what to do and you already have a plan. And I'm sure those old tummy rolls are not back in any way. And even if you can see a tiny something, I'm sure it's much different after all the insanity workouts they've gone through!
So, don't panic and try to concentrate on the goal. I'm sure you'll be back there in no time. And if you find a way to beat the "stress" factor, please, please, please let me know!

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PAMINHALF 12/5/2010 7:47PM

  Relax. Take a deep breath and start again tomorrow. You'll get back in the groove. take one day at a time. emoticon

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RHONDABELLE 12/5/2010 7:02PM

    My money's on the stress. Our bodies do strange things when we're stressed. Just remember that you have a whole community here for support! emoticon

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 12/5/2010 5:26PM

    I bet the stress is playing a big part in the weight increase because it sounds like you are doing everything else just fine. I hope you are able to get some relief from deserve it!

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NARA87 12/5/2010 4:24PM

    I must say, I see compeletely different things in this picture. It's so cute!

And whatever, you got up there, you can get back down to where you want to be. You're already taking the necessary steps. emoticon

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YUBYUB31 12/5/2010 4:15PM


Take Care

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HJFOGARTY 12/5/2010 3:59PM

    you will do it - you will find your mojo and be back on track - this happens - we hit a plateau and stumble back to some old ways - but you saw the light and are back on track now - so no more beating yourself up over it - it's done - and you are back - so take care of you and continue to inspire!

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