Why do I eat? What lies beyond physical hunger.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
I'm currently reading a book called "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth. I've read some of her books in the past, trying to find a way to have peace with food and eating. And of course, in finding peace, also giving up overeating.
I already know that I have a problem with not feeling loved that originated in my relationship with my parents. I know that getting really fat for the first time happened after a diet that left me under my normal (and healthy) weight but at a weight that fit the cultural norm of desirable. This triggered a season of dealing with childhood sexual abuse issues that I had buried and threw me into PTSD. Add to that a screwed up metabolism from losing muscle and I gained 100 pounds. I've been yo-yo-ing ever since. The PTSD is gone so why isn't the weight gone?
Geneen Roth, like Spark People, does not believe in diets. She would have us look at what food is preventing us from seeing about our lives. Eating can be a way of avoiding life. So I'm going to try to look beyond the feelings that I'm not okay the way I am, beyond the feelings that I have to use the way I eat to fix myself and see what shows up.