Friday, December 03, 2010
Yesterday I came to Spark for the first time since April. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't had the time since then -- I've had down time, and time I've spent on the computer. I just haven't been actively pursuing my fitness goals.
At the end of April I started working as a cook for a golf club. This turned into a 40-hour a week job, on top of school. That was an adjustment! Even though I theoretically had more time when school ended for the term, I was more than willing to use those days as days off. In fact, I'd say that I needed the days off. Then, in September, school started again and so did the time crunch.
My job is now over for the season, so I only have school and legal work. I *do* have legal work, but it's not as physically demanding/exhausting as working in a kitchen is. For the first time in ages, I feel like I'm capable of paying attention to my health and fitness. At the same time, though, I'm incredibly scared/resistant.
Working in a kitchen was incredibly physically demanding. I built muscles from actual use, not strength training. I started looking much trimmer, even though I didn't lose pounds, because I built muscle as I lost fat. I needed to eat much more salt than I used to, just to keep from being dehydrated. And now ... that's over for the moment.
So, now, I need to start intentionally exercising again. I'm no longer on my feet, moving and lifting for 40 hours a week. I need to work my body to keep those fitness gains from being lost again. That's sort of scary right now. I feel like I don't know where to start, though I know that's not actually true. I feel lost and confused, though I have plenty to keep me busy.
I'm also up 10 lbs from where I was in April.
I know why -- I'm eating salt and not sweating it out, so I'm retaining water like a sponge. I also still have the muscle I built, but am regaining the fat on top of it. I'm worried that I'm on the path to where I was 5 years ago, and am letting that paralyze me. I'm compulsively eating again, after months of being abstinent. And so I'm back here, to, to try to get myself moving in a positive direction again.