Basically, if I had actually, consciously TRIED to have a worse weekend I know it couldn't have happened. I am not going to say that I ended up with food in my hand with no idea how it got there, because every decision (sadly) regarding food this weekend (and lack of exercise) was all on me. I have absolutely zero to be proud of for this weekend (except for throwing out the rest of the pizza that I didn't eat on Saturday night, instead of saving it for further temptation the next day).
I wouldn't hate myself on the lack of exercise so much if I hadn't had such a craptastic diet over the weekend, and vice versa.
For those of you not here in the States it was Thanksgiving this past Thursday. It was just me, my aunt, and my cousin. First year without my uncle, and my parents and other set of family in town were all out of town--seeing their grandbabies. It was a quiet lunch and then night. I contributed the mashed potatoes, green beans, and pumpkin bars. My aunt and cousin made the rest. We had three people, and we had enough for at least 10. I ate too much (not shocking), and then topped it with the pumpkin bars and apple pie that my aunt made. Again, stupid. I would forgive myself that day though, because I just wasn't going to track all that--I wouldn't even know where to begin.
I then threw it up in the middle of the night. Remember when I had my macaroni and cheese binge thing that happened a few weeks ago? Remember me mentioning how I have an f-ed up gallbladder according to my doctor/uncle? Yeah, apparently it isn't only macaroni and cheese and Chipotle that triggers that. Thanksgiving does it too. I don't know why I didn't think about that though. The fat is my trigger, which I should have understood, but I tried to limit my gravy (and did a good job of that actually)...I just wasn't thinking about all those hidden fats that you don't actually see, and then the combination of all of those fats together in excess. So, up it came. How delightful.
Friday wasn't so bad. I didn't end up eating too much at all, and I had soup (ok, it was cream-based, but it was really my only meal of the day) and bread for dinner (not excess on the bread). I did have full calorie Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash though. Unnecessary. So unnecessary.
Saturday. Good lord. I literally didn't leave the house. Or at least not any farther than the front porch to let my dog out to pee. I had leftover soup for lunch. Then I ordered in pizza. Why? I don't know. I just know I decided that it was utterly necessary to have pizza for dinner. And a Coke. Yeah. I really went all out. I felt like hell afterwards too. Just gross.
Oddly though...I didn't throw that up, or have the need. I don't know why, but pizza is one thing that doesn't trigger my stomach for me. Despite the fat. I ate what I wanted and then I debated if I was going to keep the pizza. I left it for about 4 hours, and finally at midnight I threw it away outside in the garbage bin. I knew I'd only eat it in the morning, so I left it.
Yesterday was really the only decent day. I had Cream of Wheat, an apple (I had one of those every day at the weekend), and soup for dinner.
It's driving me crazy that I can't tell myself to stop right now. I hear this sort of vague mumbling in the back of my head when I tell myself I don't need pizza or creamy soup or bread or whatever that says..."Well, it's really not so bad..." but I don't even know that it is saying that. And for some reason I'm listening to the VAGUE MUMBLING and not my frontal lobe that is screaming, "YOU DON'T NEED THAT!!" Am I insane? Don't answer that.
I'm still okay on the exercise. I'm totally ready to go to the gym today and work my butt off. I'm not flagging in that, as long as I'm out of the house. Not quite so much when I'm still in the house and it requires putting on clothes and putting in my contacts (seriously, I hate putting in my contacts if I haven't showered).
Some stress for the week though...my job ends tomorrow. Now, this will be good for my exercising for awhile, until I get another job (no word on the one I interviewed for--and supposedly I'm supposed to find out today). But stress-wise? Well, I'm definitely stressed.
My plan for the week. Regular schedule today and tomorrow. Wednesday I have to be home from 1:30-3 for a new shower door to be installed, but I'm going to wake at 8:30am and get to the gym around 9:30-9:45am. I'll do 90 minutes cardio and 20-30 minutes strength training. I haven't decided if I'll divide the cardio into elliptical, bike, swim, or what, but I'll figure it out. I really want to start swimming again, and work up to doing a solid 30 minutes. I think it is just so different in terms of breath control and the muscles used. I think it would be a good supplement.
Thursday--similar, but I am going to do yoga first. I haven't been to yoga in ages, and want to go back. I will do either the Yoga Sculpt at 12-1 or Yoga 1 at 1:30-2:30, then the gym. Probably not the gym if I do yoga sculpt, it's weights in that class too. I'll do an hour at the gym post-Yoga 1 though. Same on Friday.
Saturday and Sunday--yoga only. I need to start doing something on the weekends again, that really made a huge difference. Similar schedule for the following week for exercise. The exercise I CAN and WILL BE be a rockstar about.
In terms of food...HELP!!! I swear to god, I just don't know what to do with myself at this point and it is freaking me out. I know myself well enough to know that I get bored eating the same thing over and over again for too long, but I'm absolutely bonkers with food at the moment. I have been considering getting back to my Greek yogurt and granola that I used to eat, and maybe doing that for lunch, because it really is delicious, and cottage cheese isn't doing it for me at the moment. The Fage Greek yogurt is one that I've found that has a great balance of calories and protein and taste, particularly the 2%.
I think I just need some ideas of what people are doing now that it is winter. I just felt like I had so many more healthy options in the summer and I'm at a loss as to what to do this winter. Thank god we don't have any Christmas treats yet, I can only imagine the disaster that would be. I need a groove for food for the next 4 months of winter!