Monday, November 22, 2010
I've heard it said that the more and longer you struggle, the stronger you will become on the upswing! It seems that in the 1.5 years I have been here at SP I spent the first 9 months on the top and then the plateau of 4 months and then the bottom... I kept coming back to SP every day to try to climb out of my perceived hole, and I felt the support of my friends and teammates, there is no doubt.
By the first of November, the struggle I had with the Food Demon was raging full time, and when I had to start taking Rolaids before going to bed, I knew that the inevitable trek out of Onderland had begun... I was terrified! I did not want to go back up over 200 pounds!...but...I was powerless, or so I thought. I wailed and I fought, I ate and I cried and I tried...I re read parts of the Spark and I went back to my early blogs to try to come up with some reason for my state of mind. AND...I kept coming back to SP...knowing in the deepest part of my 'knower' that the answer was here...I did not know where, but I was sure it was hiding...somewhere...
I finally made the decision to start blogging and logging...ah yes, Nutritional Tracking... AND I made a promise to my family in 7 day increments... I could not commit to much more than that. I was afraid of what I would find when I would enter my food...THIS WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT STEP of my 'recovery'. When I WAS tracking my food, I was brutally honest about what passed my lips...but...the more freedom you give yourself with your food, the less your 'disciplined self' will be able to fight the food demon, who, by the way, can charm you into "just one piece...you deserve it!" faster than you can blink your eye.
In retrospect, if I had never stopped tracking my food, I probably would be at my goal weight today... this is a hard lesson to learn...but goals and discipline and being honest about what is ACTUALLY passing your lips...well, need I say more? These are the magical tools everyone wants to know about...but don't want to hear about or incorporate into their daily lives.
Metabolism fluctuation aside, discipline is an important part of this journey and I had to swallow a big ol' chunk of pride (I thought I knew how to do this on my own) and now I share this with you...
My prayer is that my friends who are struggling with their program will look at their food tracking habits and taking time to blog, even if it is a two liner to say they need help... I am no where near the perfect mark, but now I have a better hold on what is and has caused my misery and my weight gain...lack of discipline and commitment to myself...All it takes is ten to fifteen minutes of computer time each day ...and using the aforementioned tools... this will help to strengthen your (my) road to recovery!
Tomorrow is weigh in...week two complete!