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Glorious Spite

Monday, November 22, 2010

I love eating. I think most of us feel the same way, or else we wouldn't be here. So losing weight has been an interesting challenge for me.

I love eating, so doing less of that just makes me pissed off. That's part of the reason I really love exercising. I get to EAT more! Plus Zumba is so fun, there's no real "work" involved in the "workout."

Three weeks ago, I increased my exercise, going to lots of Zumba classes, trying out a kickboxing class, and doing yoga and bellydancing galore..... and my knee got mad at me, and is now rebelling. So last week, I reluctantly changed my "calories burned" goal from 2500 to 500, and watched my nutrition calorie range plummet.

And for the first time in a long time, I was HUNGRY! I ate to the uppermost end of my range, and was still starving. And being hungry made me mad... and being unable to exercise made me feel helpless.

I have a bad habit of perfectionism. When I can't do something perfectly, I say, "Screw it!" and end up going in the completely opposite direction. "I can't exercise and stay within my calorie range? Screw it, then! Pass me the entire bag of chips!"

Except I don't have any chips in the house anymore; I have fat free vanilla yogurt. Do you know how much fat free vanilla yogurt you have to eat to be considered "splurging"? It's a lot.... Like, REALLY a lot.... By the time I was done, I was so sick off of fat free vanilla yogurt, and felt absolutely certain that I had "shown them" (which is the funny thing about doing things out of spite... I have absolutely no clue what "they" I was "showing"...)

Out of habit, I logged it in my nutrition tracker, certain that the number would be so astronomical that I would have to just give up altogether, and resign myself to a life of fatitude. I clicked "add food" and: 234 calories. 234 calories? There's no glorious "f- you" in 234 calories. 234 calories just means I eat a lighter dinner and no post-dinner snack... I couldn't even FAIL at my diet correctly.

So I sighed, put the yogurt away, and planned my meals for the following day... *grumble, grumble*
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Liked your breakdown on what happens when you're trying to be "good" and then get really hungry. "F-you" foods, indeed! I'm going to have to go out and get some more fat free yogurt...
    2676 days ago
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