Not Sure What to Say
Monday, November 22, 2010
You know I really love Spark People. I keep meeting all of you amazing people who are so kind and supportive - I've never even met you and you guys are kind to me. So thank you, you have no idea how much it all means to me.
I've got today off and was able to get up when Lucy told me she needed her walk. I've also got stuff all set up to work on my make up homework from school. I don't want to do a lot of it because I still don't feel that I deserve to succeed. This semester has been awful, trying to get used to online classes where there's no fixed schedule. I don't have internal motivation, it's all external so having no defined time for class or whatever is really hard for me because no one is expecting me to be there or participate or whatever. I have a fixed schedule job so maybe next semester will be better in that respect.
At 24 all I can think of is that my life is done because I "stopped" moving forward with things. After college instead of living on my own as I had planned out, I had to move back home, then moved back to MN for a month because of a major argument with my father only to have to return back because I was having a complete mental breakdown. Everything this year has been completely effed up from May to now and I just don't see any moving away from all of it. I can't forgive myself or let the past be the past. How do you do it? All I see is a failure of everything at 24. I know that 24 isn't really old. 90+, that's old. So I'm looking at 70+ years of living like this if I don't change and no one can live like that. I've heard too that your twenties are when you figure out everything because you don't know anything and it's your thirties where things start to solidify. I've got 6 years before I hit that era so maybe it's all in stride. Yeah, ramblings and not about weight loss issues, though according to my scale I'm back to 201. Still yo-yo-ing between 199 and 205 is my best guess. Thank you for listening to my ramblings.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I don't know where to begin...LOL...but I can say is that as stupid as this sounds you may need to both RELAX and ENERGIZE at once. Ever read the little book about Don't Sweat the Small Stuff? Its true and a good resource. Relaxing your expectations somewhat to allow for your current situation and yet taking time to set small, do-able goals for moving forward. See, what you are stuck with currently are situations which as much as they seem impossible at the time DO change. Bad sitch to good and sometimes as inexplicably, good sitch to bad. But you have some control and that's what you need to energize - realize you aren't powerless. Even if its just taking charge of your daily schedule.
I know its tough since you can't imagine a better future - and I have to say forgiving yourself is even tougher. Imagine all the things I have to forgive myself of after 41 years of success, failure, and lots of in between.
Sparkpeople even has articles that might help about motivation, goal-setting, etc. You don't just have to listen to us "old-timers" LOL!!!!!
But I am sending you motivational vibes - you can change your life, even if its just a little every day!
2557 days ago
Life is never simple! It doesn't matter how much you have or how much you don't have, life will always have it's problems. The rich have problems just like the poor. How you deal with the problems is what defines you.
Problems are the building blocks of strength. If you stop and think of what caused the problem, you can then begin to solve it, ALL problems can be overcome! How many problems have you overcome in the past? Like your nervous breakdown....you're past that, right? You sought help from your parents...so you had to swallow your pride and move back home...so what! You're safe and your working on getting yourself together. Problem solved!
It is hard to get motivated when taking online classes, I know, I've taken online classes. The work seems so much harder because everything, such as lectures, have to be read. Then there's testing involving proctors, and you as an individual having to find proctors that fit the school's criteria.. and blah, blah, blah! It's a pain in the butt. But, it's not an impossible obstacle that can't be overcome. School is something that was chosen by you, so you chose to put yourself where you are. You're only required to pass if you want a degree or certification. You're no less of a person if you don't make it this semester. Instead you're the same person as before you started school. If you make it, problem solved...if you can't, problem solved. School is over either way...one less stressor on your plate.
Don't let society dictate how you should live, "By 18 you should be in college," "By 24 you should have a good job, thanks to your schooling," "By 27, you should be stable in your job and thinking about a family," and so on. I'm 42 and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up! I'll figure it out sooner or later. But society tells me I should be in the upper echelon of a business, have a home, with a family and a nice little nest egg being set aside for retirement.But I chose to go a different route than that of society and I still have a wife, a home, a car, dogs, cats rabbits, birds, two kids, plenty of food on the table, and a positive outlook for the rest of my life.
Your life is fine and you're not a failure, you're still trying to figure things out. Wrap your arms around your parents and thank them for the help and let them know you are really trying to turn things around. Fighting does nothing as you have discovered.
I have issues with bills and car repairs and home repairs, personal issues and so on....who doesn't? But I get through them one at a time and sometimes with a little help from family and friends.
You're going to be fine and your friends are here to help encourage you, so ramble on, it's good to get it out!
2557 days ago
Sounds like you're in a tough spot. They say that the 20s are the "best years of your life", but I definitely didn't feel that way. Lots of wandering and developing to do. You can do it. I believe in you!
2557 days ago
Don't give up!!!! In this day and age it's hard to go and just start a great life take small steps like getting a job, putting money aside for your apartment and a car. Little by little it will all get better, just be thankful for the help and the assistance you get. Good luck...PS: We all ramble..
2557 days ago
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