Sunday, November 21, 2010
Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. I started the day by feeling fat and told my dh that I felt that way. We headed to north battleford to get a new trailer only to arrive and find the dealership closed. Disappointing but such is life.
When we got home my DH who is usually distant and non affectionate could not keep his hands off me. Most would think that this would be a good thing but it is very frustrating for me because when I am at my worst( feeling fat, unmotivated, and un healthy) my husband is the greatest man in the world. When I am feeling great, the numbers are dropping, i am motivated, healthy, and active, my husband is the most unsupportive, negative person there is. Is it too much to ask to be happy with myself and have a good marriage. Having a happy marriage makes it really hard to get back on track cause I know that as soon as I start changing for what I think is the better my husband turns into a negative impact.
I spent most of the afternoon crying cause a friend has moved back home where she has found her happy spot. I am so happy for her but at the same time it is so tuff for me to hear cause I have no clue where my happy spot is. When i told her this she said she was jealous of how well I bake, sew, the kind of mother and wife I am. I told her that I am good at making others happy and pretending that I am happy.
I want to find my happy place. I have been trying really hard today to do things that make me feel good. I have been really good about what I am feeding my body with and i feel kinda good. The reason I say kinda is that my husband has turned into a grouch anything I say or do is met with a negative comment.
I WILL be happy and I am sure that my postiveness will rub off on my husband and we will be a happy family in time.
I will be searching for all the positive energy I can find. I don't want to be where I am for the rest of my life. My husband is going to make this difficult but I know I can count on my spark friends to helm me through this