AS A KID, I WAS A HUGE BATMAN FAN (WITH ADAM WEST) FROM THE 60'S TELEVISION SHOW. MY ALL TIME FAVORITE CHARACTER ACTOR IN THE CAMPY SERIES WAS VICTOR BUONO WHO PLAYED "KING TUT." AS SOME OF YOU MIGHT RECALL, MR. BUONO WAS A VERY LARGE MAN.
BUONO WAS A GENIUS AND I REMEMBER READING A BOOK OF POEMS HE WROTE WAY BACK THEN. THE POEMS WERE ALL ABOUT HAVING A WEIGHT PROBLEM AND WERE COMICAL. HE WAS ABLE TO POKE FUN AT HIMSELF AND WAS VERY COMFORTABLE WITH WHO HE WAS.
WE CAN ALL TAKE A LESSON FROM VICTOR BUONO AND TRY NOT TO TAKE OURSELVES TOO SERIOUSLY. WHILE WE ARE ALL STRIVING (VERY HARD) TO BE HEALTHIER, WE SHOULDN'T LOSE THE ABILITY TO LAUGH (OR AT LEAST SMILE).
QUITE BY ACCIDENT, I CAME ACROSS MY FAVORITE POEM BY VICTOR BUONO AND WANTED TO POST IT SO YOU COULD ALL ENJOY IT. I HOPE IT DOESN'T OFFEND ANY ONE. IT WAS MEANT AS LIGHT HEARTED ENTERTAINMENT AND I TOOK IT AS SUCH.
SO, WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY, HERE IT IS (ALONG WITH ANOTHER SHORT POEM HE PUBLISHED):
The Fat Man's Prayer
by Victor Buono
Lord, my soul is ripped with riot,
Incited by my wicked diet.
We are what we eat, said a wise old man,
And Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can!
I want to rise on Judgment Day, that's plain,
But at my present weight, I'll need a crane!
So grant me strength that I may not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot curls be sated
That my soul may be polyunsaturated.
And show me the light that I may bear witness
To the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
At oleomargarine I'll never mutter,
For the road to hell is spread with butter.
And cake is cursed, and cream is awful,
And Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone,
The devil is in each slice of bologna,
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
And Lucifer is a lollipop!
Give me this day my daily slice -
But cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from Jujubees.
And my when days of trial are done
And my war with malted milks is won,
Let me stand with the saints in heaven
In a shining robe - Size 37!
I can do it, Lord, if you'll show to me
The virtues of lettuce and celery.
If you'll teach me the evils of mayonnaise,
The sinfulness of hollandaise
And pasta a la milanese
And potatoes a la lyonaise
And crisp fried chicken from the south!
Lord, if you love me, SHUT MY MOUTH!
Bless me Doctor
by Victor Buono
Bless me, Doctor, I have sinned
Since seeing you last week.
The spirit had the will to win
But ahhh, the flesh was weak!