Saturday, November 20, 2010
I've had a lot of ups and downs over the past couple of months as far as dieting goes. I know I need to do it as I am severely over weight. The worst part of it I'm scared to death.
I know so much can happen to me because of my weight. I mean for beginners I already have high blood pressure. Along with sleep apnea. But I'm so afraid what else can happen to me. I know I'm at risk so much more like CAD, DM, stroke, and so...so... much more.
I so need to do this for myself and my family. I want to be around for a long long time. I want to be able to do things with my wife and two beautiful daughters. They are so young and I just feel so old even though I'm only 30 years old. This excess weight is killing me.
For once I'd like to be able to go to a regular department store and buy clothes. This Halloween depressed me so much, I couldn't find an outfit to fit me. Nor can I go to like Wal*Mart or Sears to buy clothes. That depresses me so much. I just want to feel "normal" for a change.
I watch shows like the biggest loser or celebrity fit club and think that would be great to just go away to a place like that and concentrate on weight loss. Then reality sets in I can't. I need to provide for my family. I need to work. Then I'm like well what if I just started going to a gym a couple days a week. That sounds good. But then reality sets in once again. The closest gym to my house is over an hour and a half away. I don't have 3 hours a day just drive to a gym.
I know i can do stuff at home to help with my health like home exercise videos but that gets boring after a while doing the same thing over and over. Of course then I could buy some home exercise equipment, but then I come to the issue that I weigh to much for most of the equipment out there.
All of this weighs very heavily on my heart. It breaks me to think like this. I don't know what to do......