Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Hello Everyone! I know I have been absent for a while. Been exercising... been eating the same, but not on the site as much due to time constraints. Lots of changes in my life... some great, some not so great.
Some of the great things: I am going to be an aunt again in January... my sister's first baby. I cannot wait, especially because my sister is the one I am closest to in my family and my nephew will be right next door (not only are we close in age, but we are neighbors). So far no names, however... all she has told us is that his name will not be anything that can be shortened to "Big Al"... which has sadly disappointed my dad... who has been pushing for a "Big Al"! My job has also relocated me to another office... the office that is 15 minutes from my house.. the previous office I worked out of was about a 45 minute commute.
Some not so great things: My weight loss has all but stopped and I have had some new health challenges. I now have sleep apnea and vitamin b-12 deficiency for some unknown reason. My grandfather spent most of the summer in the hospital and his dementia is getting worse... he no longer recognizes my voice on the phone and I'm not even sure he knows who I am in person. Plus, he has lost all control of his body functions... and this is putting some stress on my grandmother.
With all that said, I have decided to pursue a new weight loss route. My husband is currently going along on the same path. My doctor is really emphasizing weight loss given my recent health changes and my family history of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol; so today I submitted an application to the same bariatric weight surgery program my husband is going through with my doctors blessing. At first, I thought it was the easy way out-- most people do--however, once I did some research, I have found that it will be anything but easy... but it is what I feel that I need to do. My weight has affected my life in so many ways... and now looking back, it was my feelings about my weight that contributed to the depression and anxiety I have had for years. I spent most of my 20's dieting and just came out much heavier. Plus, since I see sick people everyday, I see everyday what being overweight over long periods of time does to your heath... and it scares me. I fear that if I do not radically change my path now, 20 years down the line I will be one of the patients I see on a daily basis. And, that is not what I want... over time, I have noticed there are lots of things I cannot do because of my weight... like sit in a regular airplane or movie theatre seat comfortably, get down on the floor and play with my neices and nephews (and it really bothers me that I won't be able to get down on the floor to play with little "not named Big Al"), and climb a flight of stairs to see a patient without getting winded (what kind of example of a nurse am I if I get winded climbing stairs and if I am lecturing patients on losing weight but I myself am almost 300 lbs-- seems like a bit of a contradiction).
Anyways, that is what I have been up to... the only people besides you all that know about my decision for bariatric surgery is my sister and husband... and it may stay like that for quite a while... In the past when I have mentioned it in reguards to my husband (who has been considering surgery and actually almost had it a few years ago), they have all expressed their concerns and displeasure... stating that it is dumb to have surgery when you can die from surgery or that you can gain the weight back (I must mention that there is a lady that works at my parents doctor office that had the surgery and gained back all of her weight and then some)... whether I will ever actually tell them is a different story... (I must mention I have a history of not telling them important things due to a lack of support or not wanting to face thier criticism... when my husband and I got married, we originally were actually not going to tell anyone but ended up telling everyone the day before except my other grandmother who has since passed away (it's a long story... but I was much closer to her than my own mother... and i told her before that because she was in the hospital dying... and she loved and accepted my husband--unlike most of my family) and my pregnancy when I was 21 that I miscarried... actually no one except my husband knows about that).
Well, must be going now. This has actually been very therapeutic to put these things in writing... thanks for reading and letting me vent!