Saturday, November 06, 2010
Time to shift back to weight loss mode. Time to get my butt back into gear & exercise. So, how did that start today? I ate....& ate....& ate....& ATE. Yeah. I am devastated by the loss of the baby & I resorted back to binge eating. I am so sad I just want to eat & eat & eat. It's terrible to go back to that.
My son is five years old. I have wanted another child forever. I don't think I want to try again though. I am 31 years old. I don't wanna be trying & trying & have another kid too late in life. I also don't ever want to go through this again.
It was awful lying on the table watching the ultrasound. Every time the tech would try for cardiac activity....flat line. Tears dripped down the side of my check. My heart was racing. I was starting to shake. I was trying to hold it all in. It was like the longest time of my life yesterday. Then the tech said she had to go talk to the radiologist because she wasn't finding a heartbeat & something just wasn't right. She came back in & did the vaginal probe ultrasound for awhile. Then called the radiologist into the room. He watched for awhile & then told me there was no heartbeat. They left the room & I got dressed. They sent me up to the doctors office. I have to wait in a room full of pregnant women. Then got to go back & see the doc. He was very empathetic & wonderful. Explained things & gave me a booklet on miscarriage. Then hubby and I were sent on our merry little was.
Everything was just a blur. It's awkward to be experiencing all that stuff in just a short amount of time. I came home and started the stuff to make the miscarriage come out. I was up all night passing large clots & pouring blood. It sucks. The pain was & is tolerable though.
All in a day I went from pregnant to not.
It's crazy how life can change in an instant.