Saturday, November 06, 2010
I have a member of my family (brother) who is "toxic", and have made the decision of no communication other than email. Of course, he comes up with "Well, I'm done with school so I don't have an email address anymore so it's OK for me to call you even though you've asked me not to" type excuses. (My reaction? you need to go to the public library and get a yahoo acct.)
His phone messages are ignored. I cannot deal with him one on one--I have to remain calm, and I can't do that if I'm hearing his voice. It's too stressful and emotional. I can't think through what and how I want to say things. Put in writing, I can respond in my own time and be able to think, and ACT with out Reacting
It is VERY HARD to live with a toxic person . YOU have an obligation to yourself (and by extension spouse and children) to protect yourself and them from things that harm.
Harm can be physical, emotional or mental. Yes, it's EVEN HARDER to make the decision to "cut them off" and they will try all sorts of mind games and guilt trips. They are manipulators who love to CAUSE CHAOS and WREAK HAVOC wherever they go. Have not ever gotten past the "me" stage in life and of course, think they never could have done anything wrong.
If you don't cut off the relationship, it will eat you from the inside. IT WILL KILL YOU one way or the other: heart problems, obesity, whatever. You have no obligation to be a whipping post for ANYONE, not even a parent.
Go live YOUR life, let the toxic person live his/hers