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    EGORDON12020   3,059
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My brain hates me!


Thursday, November 04, 2010

Yes it's true, my brain hates me. If my brain loved me I would be able to go places without having to give myself a pep talk first. I would not feel like I'm going to die when I pick my daughter up from school. I wouldn't dread heading to the supermarket to get groceries. I would hate leaving the house.

This has been going on for as long as I can remember. It has lead to me quitting just about every job I've ever had, quitting school, and it's the reason why I don't make friends that easily.

But at least I know that I need help. I need to see someone to fix what is broken with me. I can't live fearing everything that is outside my house. I shouldn't fear public places because I have no way to escape should I have a panic attack. I want to enjoy the things I used to WAY back when. I want to feel normal again.

Please don't feel sorry for me, because that is not what I'm asking or saying. But please, feel free to leave encouraging words to help me through this.


My name is Beth and I have agoraphobia.

(just really needed to put this somewhere and get it off my chest.)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDY1TWO3 11/4/2010 1:16PM

    You will recover - please get help. My oldest daughter had a similar problem. She would not go out while it was light, did not like crowds. She now is an assistant manager of a Caribou coffee shop and deals with people all day long. It is curable.

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EGORDON12020 11/4/2010 1:02PM

    It's very hard to explain. I don't like leaving the house. I don't like meeting new people. It's not that I fear what people are thinking of me. Just being in crowded places, standing in line with people behind me, crowded parking lots. They all freak me out! I wish I never had to go to the store because there are more people there than I'm comfortable with. I don't feel safe outside my house, which is sad because I enjoy so many things. I don't engage in school activities (for my oldest), I don't participate in groups (like book clubs and parties).

It's not that I don't like I see in the mirror because I'm working hard to change that.

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ALEHAYES 11/4/2010 1:00PM

    I used to get panic attacks when I was alone in public, so I know where you're coming from. Just know that you CAN get through it, and you'll come out stronger on the other side.

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XSTARRYSKIESX 11/4/2010 12:34PM

    Sometimes, its normal to have to pep talk yourself to leave the house. it sounds like you need to find a little more self love. Do u think itd be different if you could look in the mirror and be pleased with who you are, inside and out? Phobias happen, but the treatment lies within the individual.

What exactly scares you? People thinking things about you? Just an overall panic feeling when you're in public?

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