Thursday, November 04, 2010
These are the three words my therapist used to describe me during our session on Tuesday. Yes in a one hour session I was all of these things. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen her and these last few weeks have NOT been good for me. I went from being binge free for 36 days to binging almost every day and when I wasn’t binging I was eating whatever I wanted. Twix bar before dinner? Ok. Rice krispie bar after dinner? Why not. Should I do it all over again tomorrow? SURE.
So I got to my session and she asked me how things were going and I just talked…forever. And once I got done saying out loud what’s actually been going on in my life…I felt this huge weight lifted off of me. She helped me realize that over the past few weeks I’ve been feeling hopeless about several things in my life. And of course that carries over to my eating and when I have so many “bad” days in a row I feel hopeless about that too. Heck one wrong move and I felt hopeless with my eating. I felt SO much better after talking with her. It’s amazing how having a completely independent person from you life can put so much perspective on your life and your feelings. I left my session feeling like I had hope again. Feeling like I can tackle an urge to binge, I can make healthy choices, I can have healthy relationships in my life, I can be a confident woman, I can have a job I love…ok well I’m still working towards some of these but you get the idea. I heart my therapist so much. Except next time she wants to talk about my family..which I don’t want to talk about at all. So I’m sure I won’t heart her after that session. :)
So I’m a little behind on the November challenge and need to get caught up to speed…tomorrow. I haven’t “formally” made my personal goals but in my head I know what they are. And I haven’t tracked any points (although I love the idea, Christy you are brilliant) but I am going to download Shannon’s supernerdy spreadsheet tomorrow (which again I love, supernerd here) and start tracking as of Friday. So…I’ll just say I’ve informally been participating!
Oh and I started using the spark food tracker. Most of you know that I haven’t tracked calories for at least a year. Yes I tracked my food every day and tried to focus on a balanced meal plan but I had to take a step back from tracking calories. Anyways, I think I’m finally ready to tackle both. I really want to someday be able to only do a food journal the way I have been doing it, but at this point I probably need to be tracking my calories and I don’t think it’s going to restrict me or lead to binges.
A few personal things since I haven’t blogged for a while…Halloween party was a success and I had SO much fun! Yes I drank to much, probably didn’t eat enough (made up for that Sunday) but it was so worth it! I have a new roommate who moved in about two weeks ago. She’s awesome. I’m trying to continue to be more social to boost my confidence. Had dinner with Christy & her awesome friends last night, tonight I have a planned happy hour and then a late night happy hour, tomorrow night I have a date and I’m hoping to have a date on Saturday night but the guy and I keep playing phone tag. Oh and the “boy” that I have blogged about before. Him and I are still talking :) but none of these dates are with him cuz he’s in Vegas. I’m keeping my options open. OH..and I’m getting a massage tomorrow…VERY much looking forward to that. Ok..that’s all I got right now. I suppose I should do some more work…or waste some time on Spark..yes I think I’ll go with the later.