I think a day like this had been building up for some time. The looming deadline of the Run to Remember and the disappointment of not actually making the drive and seeing people who have said they will miss me there... add that to the long stretch of time off... unstructured time... and my own high expectations of myself for "getting things done" with that unstructured time. Buried boulders on the path, waiting to stub toes and trip me up. Add that to waking up at 2:50 a.m. and not being able to go back to sleep and you have something brewing.
Intelligence is not a defense against this sort of thing. It's going to happen every once in while. And... the perfect storm led to an attack of the devilish "I don't wannas".
And I remembered the Good N Plenty package I bought as a Halloween treat and had not opened... and it started the flood gates opening. It was the smallest package I could find in the store (I had planned to get Halloween snack sized boxes and hand them out, reserving one for me... but the store was out... and I bought this "movie treat" sized package. And I ate the whole thing, all 4 1/2 servings its nutrition (or lack thereof) label claimed was in it. I went on to eat other treats, but since I don't keep chips in the house was protected from the urge for those salty treats... believe me, had they been here, they would have been history. Had chocolate or peanut butter or cheese been in the house... yep, I know I would have eaten it.
This speaks to the wisdom of not even buying it: because when the weak moments come, there is not a 100% guaranteed protection. Best protection, I have found, for ME, anyway, is just not to have it in the house.
So, yeah, second time within a week where I blew the calories and didn't burn them off. The plus side? I slept really, really well last night! I stopped eating around supper time, not being hungry any more.
BUT, it has to
now! The deal with maintenance is that there will be days like this. Just as there were days like this throughout the long months of losing. But maintenance does not mean your body can take this kind of abuse every day or even for a week.
I rather suspect that the Halloween treats I allowed myself on Sunday helped set this up (sugar, folks, is a drug for some of us)... and the unstructured time... and the anniversary that the run is marking... and concern even about all of this.
of binge recovery. Nurture. Big picture. Take care of me! Don't beat up on me. Follow my own advice! Because, as I tell others that each of them is worth it... so am I.