Monday, November 01, 2010
For years, I smoked. I thought it was cool when I was seventeen. My parents smoked, it was the '70's and I thought since all the cool kids did it, including one of my sisters it would be cool and okay. Back then, a pack was cheap, I want to say a quarter. I know a carton was maybe $2.00. Cheap. Thought I could lose weight. Didn't lose an ounce. Gained a ugly habit.
Fast forward through many times that I tried to quit. Even did while pregnant with my oldest child. But that didn't stop me. Started again. Smoked around my children. Smoked even after my parents quit in their 50's! I did stop smoking in the house and in the car if my children were in it. I would go "for a walk" like they didn't know what I was doing! Man, addictions really make one stupid! I really thought they wouldn't smell it on me or my clothes!
In May of 09, my doctor gave me a prescription and it worked. It was easy to quit. No cravings, no hardship, just stopped. I was even around my sister while she smoked and we were going through my parents' estate and didn't want to smoke.
Why now for the apology. Tonight, I walked out of a store and into someone's smoke that was left behind. No one was there, just that odor. And all of once it hit me. That is what I used to smell like all the time. That is what I thought no one could smell on me. How awful. My house used to smell that way a few houses ago. The house we are in no one has smoked in ever. My car used to smell that way. How disgusting! I am glad that it doesn't any more!
So today, eighteen months without a cigarette, without smelling that way I apologize to everyone for ever smelling like that and thinking they were stupid enough to not notice. I am smoke free and plan to stay that way. I don't know how much my lungs have recovered at this point but I know they are healing.
Just like I stopped smoking with help, I can lose the last 10 pounds I want to with the help of my friends here on Sparkpeople.