Not gonna sabotage myself this time
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I'm guilty of sabotaging myself when I have a little progress to show. It usually goes like this: I make a breakthrough and loose weight, followed by losing myself and eating right back into that hole that I fell into in the first place.
Today I made 30 minutes on the eliptical. This is HUGE for me. It wasn't a fast clip. It wasn't on an incline. I didn't win any race. But I lasted for 30 minutes. A grand milestone! Afterwards, I went to the weight room and started on the machines there. I try to time it so that I'm finished before the 'hard-bodies' come in - the young jocks who, when they see me, think they see their mom or even their grandmother. So today there was only one other person with me in the weight room. He was a man with only one hip and he was working out his upper body muscles. We got to talking and he was telling me that he hopes to get a new hip and he wants to be ready for it. Then he told me that his problem was that sometimes he stops coming to the gym routinely and it is hard as hell to get started back up again. He made me think. I sabotage myself too. Why?? Success. My fear of success. I never thought about it like that before, but that has to be what it is. What's the matter with me? Do I think I don't deserve to be great?
Not anymore. I DO deserve to be great. And firm. Oh yeah, and proud of myself too. I did 30 minutes on the eliptical? YESSSSS! I felt the 'burn'! I got the runner's high (seriously?)!
I'm not going to sabotage myself anymore.