Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Ok, 48 hours from now I will hopefully be officially divorced (crossing fingers). I've got a lot of mixed feelings about it so decided to blog...I'm sorry ahead of time if I ramble :). Here's what I'm feeling: relief, dread, scared $hitless, strong, sad and a whole lot of other things that I can't even think of the words for. I know that I've made the right decision. It's been just over a year since I moved out and I honestly think that was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'd lost myself in our relationship because after being told negative things over and over for a period of time you start to believe them. I felt like there was just a little kernel of myself left in this big ugly shell of a body. I think what I'm most afraid about is not knowing what's going to happen at the hearing on Friday. My ex has perfected this "poor me" act and I'm interested to see what the judge thinks of it.
During the past year I haven't taken very good care of myself. After about 6 months of throwing up on a daily basis I took some time off work to get myself together. Since then my blood pressure has been up and I've been started on diabetic medicine. After the production on Friday is over I'm going to start focusing on my health. Luckily the week after the hearing I go home to Nebraska for 2 weeks to spend good quality time with the friends and family who I love and who love me. When I come back, my best friend is coming out to visit for Thanksgiving. I will also be taking a diabetic education class which I think will be a big help...oddly enough I'm looking forward to learning about how to manage this and hopefully beat it with weight loss and diet.
So...I'm while I'm nervous about Friday I can't wait to get back to myself when it's over and done with. Thanks for letting me ramble...I feel better already :)