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    YINYANGSJM   18,802
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Getting ready for

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Ok, 48 hours from now I will hopefully be officially divorced (crossing fingers). I've got a lot of mixed feelings about it so decided to blog...I'm sorry ahead of time if I ramble :). Here's what I'm feeling: relief, dread, scared $hitless, strong, sad and a whole lot of other things that I can't even think of the words for. I know that I've made the right decision. It's been just over a year since I moved out and I honestly think that was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'd lost myself in our relationship because after being told negative things over and over for a period of time you start to believe them. I felt like there was just a little kernel of myself left in this big ugly shell of a body. I think what I'm most afraid about is not knowing what's going to happen at the hearing on Friday. My ex has perfected this "poor me" act and I'm interested to see what the judge thinks of it.

During the past year I haven't taken very good care of myself. After about 6 months of throwing up on a daily basis I took some time off work to get myself together. Since then my blood pressure has been up and I've been started on diabetic medicine. After the production on Friday is over I'm going to start focusing on my health. Luckily the week after the hearing I go home to Nebraska for 2 weeks to spend good quality time with the friends and family who I love and who love me. When I come back, my best friend is coming out to visit for Thanksgiving. I will also be taking a diabetic education class which I think will be a big help...oddly enough I'm looking forward to learning about how to manage this and hopefully beat it with weight loss and diet.

So...I'm while I'm nervous about Friday I can't wait to get back to myself when it's over and done with. Thanks for letting me ramble...I feel better already :)

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2KRAYZEE 11/18/2010 3:11PM

    How are you doing? I think you have shown incredible strength. I hope things went okay for you in court.

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YINYANGSJM 10/28/2010 7:52PM

    Thanks for the nice comments! I am so lucky to have great friends (online and in my daily life) and a great family too. It's helped make this "adventure" a lot easier than it could have been!!!

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RHONDALYN10 10/27/2010 9:02PM

    Speaking from experience - it will take some time - there will still be days of roller coaster emotions. But, you have something I didn't - a STRONG support system here with SP and it sounds at home as well. Always remember that you are strong, you are beautiful and you will succeed!

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GOROSIEO 10/27/2010 8:51PM

    Ok, my student left.

It is probably the toughest thing you will have to do in your life and you are amazed that you are sitting in court. This was not the plan you had for yourself.

My husband also pulled the poor me act. As he said "living on the kindness of strangers". Such a joke. I think judges are well use to this routine.

Be strong. The worst is almost over. You will be building your own life now.

emoticon

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 10/27/2010 8:27PM

    I'm sorry you had to endure that but am glad you're moving on with your life. Hopefully all will go smoothly Friday and you can truly feel free. Take care of yourself!

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GOROSIEO 10/27/2010 7:28PM

    I know how nervous you must feel. I never got to the court part. Our divorce was resolved by mediator.

I'm posting quickly here (have a student coming) so I won't lose you and can finish this.

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FLIGGACHICA 10/27/2010 7:26PM

    Whew, sometimes just a little journaling help me feel better too. emoticon

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