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    SAL2525   26,877
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Temper Tantrums


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I have been missing on Spark for these past few days. I have succumbed to stress and lost the battle BUT NOT the WAR on my addiction to food. It started slowly and before I knew it I was in full blown BINGE mode. One bag of jelly beans and 16 fun size bars of snickers later I came to a screeching halt! emoticon It was almost as if I could not get back on track until I had this little temper tantrum with my eating.
I could give you excuses like my back is hurting and I can not exercise right now and that means my stress level goes astronomical. Or how about the stress of my daughter's surgery and the worry about if DD Free Spirit will be OK as she tours India alone for 3 1/2 months made me do it. Or how about how long is my Mom going to linger in that Nursing Home before God calls her home!
The reality is just this - I am acting like a little kid. I am mad at God that my oldest child has to deal with all her medical conditions. I am consumed with worry that something will happen to Free Spirit DD while traveling abroad. I am failing to acknowledge on all levels that I do not control things around here. There is a higher power who does just fine even if we do not always understand. After all I can not even control myself what gives me the audacity to think I could control anything else.

Enough!
I screwed up and now it is time to put it behind me and celebrate what I have done right.

1. I came back to the place I know will help.
2. I ate with in my range today and I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner.
3. Just because I can not exercise the way I have been used to doing does not mean I can not start slow and build myself back up.
4. I FORGIVE ME
5. Time to consider ALL the things I need to be grateful for.
6. Thank you God for my life. And God I will try to do better and not question so much and just accept more!



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ACIMPEGGY 11/1/2010 9:28PM

    Sweet Sally, you did great! Hey, gf, we all have these slips...I used to run a TOPS chapter (there's a TOPS team here). Its pledge starts out, "I control my emotions. My emotions do not control me." Yea, well, except sometimes...It works well, though, if used as an affirmation.

I have days, too when I wonder if I'd rather just say to h with certain parts of my family (story about elder son, will share sometime. It's gone on over 20 years!)...when the job just seems too much (it's either so booooring or so frantic, I'm exhausted...when I wonder why I stay with my sweet Suz. (would she be better off with her kids? can I really care for her? will she be okay watching that tiny baby?) How long will my beloved kitty be here? He's getting old...

Oh, yes, angel...there is a Higher Power.

Usually these moods don't last long. I can usually recall the peace, the assurance I feel from the Course teachings. But for a while...

You did well, dear. You realized what you were doing and caught yourself. Your binge didn't last too long.

You are right about not controlling things. Mama will be here til her lessons (and those she has to teach you) are done, daughters have their own lives to live...all you can do is let all three know you are there when they need you, that you love them.

Your spark friends (especially me) love you. I will pray for you...I send you much emoticon and many emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 10/31/2010 1:49PM

    I was sooooooooooooooo with you this past week I succommed to no exercise this week. Well being honest with yourself is over half the battle We will get through these challenges and we are learning more as we have our setbacks! emoticon

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STEINERMOM 10/27/2010 1:49PM

  Congratulations on your honesty! I can really relate to your blog on so many different dimensions. Please know that your willingness to share your pain and challenges is inspiring and refreshing. So glad that you are willing to forgive yourself for coping with life via food. I will send love and support in your direction.

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ANNIESADVENTURE 10/27/2010 12:10PM

    Oh, Sal, wrapping my arms around you and giving you a shoulder to lean on. How does life get so darned tough? We always make it through somehow.
Sometimes our journey on Spark is a series of new beginnings, picking ourselves up and going at it again. We are gaining ground.
Hang in there, my friend. As the other Annie says, The sun will come out tomorrow...
...I hope.
Annie

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MREE777 10/27/2010 9:33AM

    Stress can do a number on you. I agree, forgive yourself and move on. Don't dwell on the defeat, celebrate the victories!

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KALIGIRL 10/27/2010 8:52AM

    emoticon on forgiving yourself.
Sounds like you are back on track and that's the important thing.
emoticon , I KNOW you can!

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BUGGYS 10/27/2010 8:46AM

    Be kind to yourself and sit back and breathe! You fell off, now jump right back on...you are in control of you each and every day, no matter what life throws at you! emoticon

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DEBRITA01 10/26/2010 10:24PM

    We all have days like that...like WHAT was I thinking? You've got a lot going on...continue to be patient and forgiving with yourself. God bless...

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HACOME60 10/26/2010 7:15PM

    I had a day like that today, actually I am still having too many days like that. When I looked at what I have been eating I have been focusing only on calories, I am going to try to focus on the other things like Carb, Protein and Fat servings. It should help?

Hang in there, a new day is coming and we get to start over again.

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