Monday, October 25, 2010
my husband had suggested that i try on another size of jeans and i just laughed. you see... we live upstairs at our apartment complex and of course, he always says, "ladies first" when we get to the steps. i know it's not just to be polite, he likes to check out my derriere. haha
i've only been working out for two weeks. i didn't want to jump the gun and get disappointed by trying on a size smaller jeans and have them be too snug.
i figured that the jeans i was wearing were just loose from wear. i figured as soon as they came out of the dryer they'd be fitting just fine again. so i washed... and dried.... and put them back on. hmmm... not exactly tight. not falling off, but not tight. "these jeans are just comfy," is what i told myself.
i was getting dressed for church yesterday and i pulled on my jeans. (jeans are normal at our church, praise God!) i noticed that as i walked around the house, i kept pulling my pants up... "maybe i need a belt."
i finished my morning routine and getting ready and went to grab a belt out of the closet. while i was in there, i decided to LOOK at my stack of next size down jeans i had in the closet. my stack of, "ya right." my stack of, "once upon a time." my stack of "someday...."
i pulled a pair down and low and behold, they went on, and buttoned, no problem! i smiled. my hubby was right! (write that down!)
as of this moment, i haven't tried on any of the other pairs in that size. maybe this ONE pair has some stretch in the material... i don't want to ruin my happy feeling. maybe later this week i'll try on more.
i'm scared to death to try on the next-next size smaller pile. mainly cause, it would be to good to be true. not that i was small by any means in high school but, that "next-next" size is just one size before the size i was in high school. looking at pix of myself then, i thought i was cute (not at the time of course) but ya.... i could be cute again!
that - and those would be the last size of jeans in my closet. i haven't had any smaller jean in about 15 years! i would need to go shopping. shopping for clothes has never been fun for me. i don't fit in clothes. so i shop for necessity. not for fun.
i don't think i'm mentally ready to try on smaller clothes in a store. to much emotion. maybe i'll order a pair online and set them on the shelf in the closet next to the others. i dunno.
so....yeah for smaller jeans. yeah for hard work. yeah for motivation to keep going.
i chose Philippians 4:13 as my motivation verse. it's taken a while to understand that I CAN do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me. i've used to it keep me going. i don't think i've looked farther than that. i've NEEDED it to remind me that i CAN keep at this.
now that i understand that i can keep going, i have to realize that THERE WILL BE A CHANGE. there WILL be a healthier me.
i've never even imagined "her" before. i have no idea what "she" is like. i have no idea what "she" looks like. i have no idea what it's like to look at myself in the mirror and like what i see. i have no idea what it's like to see photos of myself, that i didn't take... and smile. i've never even thought about it.
it all started with jeans.
this process has begun, and it seems it's much more involved than i first thought. it's not just changing the way i move or eat. it's about changing ME. inside and out.
“What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.”