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it all started with jeans.

Monday, October 25, 2010

my husband had suggested that i try on another size of jeans and i just laughed. you see... we live upstairs at our apartment complex and of course, he always says, "ladies first" when we get to the steps. i know it's not just to be polite, he likes to check out my derriere. haha

i've only been working out for two weeks. i didn't want to jump the gun and get disappointed by trying on a size smaller jeans and have them be too snug.

i figured that the jeans i was wearing were just loose from wear. i figured as soon as they came out of the dryer they'd be fitting just fine again. so i washed... and dried.... and put them back on. hmmm... not exactly tight. not falling off, but not tight. "these jeans are just comfy," is what i told myself.

i was getting dressed for church yesterday and i pulled on my jeans. (jeans are normal at our church, praise God!) i noticed that as i walked around the house, i kept pulling my pants up... "maybe i need a belt."

i finished my morning routine and getting ready and went to grab a belt out of the closet. while i was in there, i decided to LOOK at my stack of next size down jeans i had in the closet. my stack of, "ya right." my stack of, "once upon a time." my stack of "someday...."

i pulled a pair down and low and behold, they went on, and buttoned, no problem! i smiled. my hubby was right! (write that down!)

as of this moment, i haven't tried on any of the other pairs in that size. maybe this ONE pair has some stretch in the material... i don't want to ruin my happy feeling. maybe later this week i'll try on more.

i'm scared to death to try on the next-next size smaller pile. mainly cause, it would be to good to be true. not that i was small by any means in high school but, that "next-next" size is just one size before the size i was in high school. looking at pix of myself then, i thought i was cute (not at the time of course) but ya.... i could be cute again!

that - and those would be the last size of jeans in my closet. i haven't had any smaller jean in about 15 years! i would need to go shopping. shopping for clothes has never been fun for me. i don't fit in clothes. so i shop for necessity. not for fun.

i don't think i'm mentally ready to try on smaller clothes in a store. to much emotion. maybe i'll order a pair online and set them on the shelf in the closet next to the others. i dunno.

so....yeah for smaller jeans. yeah for hard work. yeah for motivation to keep going.

i chose Philippians 4:13 as my motivation verse. it's taken a while to understand that I CAN do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me. i've used to it keep me going. i don't think i've looked farther than that. i've NEEDED it to remind me that i CAN keep at this.

now that i understand that i can keep going, i have to realize that THERE WILL BE A CHANGE. there WILL be a healthier me.

i've never even imagined "her" before. i have no idea what "she" is like. i have no idea what "she" looks like. i have no idea what it's like to look at myself in the mirror and like what i see. i have no idea what it's like to see photos of myself, that i didn't take... and smile. i've never even thought about it.

it all started with jeans.

this process has begun, and it seems it's much more involved than i first thought. it's not just changing the way i move or eat. it's about changing ME. inside and out.

Mark 9:23
“What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.”
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Love this blog, melissa! You are doing such a great job. Most of it is mental and you seem to be getting that down. Keep imagining the healthier you. You can and you WILL do it, my friend. It is such an amazing feeling to try on clothes without crying!!! I never thought I would get there I LOVE shopping for clothes (I just can't afford to actually buy them!). See you Friday!
    2674 days ago
    Pretty soon you won't have any more piles to go to! My old piles are all gone and I'm in 12's now and pretty happy with it! Of course I want to get smaller but it sure feels good! Congratulations to you! May those piles keep getting smaller and smaller (and your body too!).
    2676 days ago
    That's awesome! Keep it up!
    2676 days ago
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