Friday, October 22, 2010

It's been almost 3 weeks since I delivered by sleeping baby. He was almost 5 months. Everyone keeps telling me the same thing..if you need help just call. How can I ask someone else to help me when I don't even know how to help myself? Some ladies from work brought dinner over tonight and when they left I just sat there and cried because it meant that they really cared. It's like a small thing saying that it's ok for me to still be upset. I keep beating myself up thinking that I should be 'getting better' and yet there are days where I can't stop thinking about him and can't really focus on anything else. I end up sitting in bed, curled up with alan(my 3 year old) and just crying on and off. Some days it's a matter of trying to ignore the emotions just so I can make it through the day. I know it will get better..everyone keeps saying so anyway..but when? Someone asked me the other day how many kids I have and I didn't know how to I answer and say I've had 5 or do I take the easy way out and say 4? If I say 5 then it turns into an awkward conversation but saying 4 makes me feel like I'm cutting him out of the picture. When will the pain get better? How do you heal from something that never goes away? How do you mourn a child that will never be?
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  • TERRI77
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
    2675 days ago
    I'm sorry for your loss. Remember that the Lord loved him/her better and they're at peace.

    I will pray for you and your family. Read Ps, 23: 1-6 to give you comfort.

    Just keep him/her in your heart and things will get better. Your life must go on and remember about the other kids.

    Keep your head up and keep the faith. emoticon emoticon
    2675 days ago
    You've suffered the most devastating loss, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself, they say time is a good healer but you've not had much time at all.

    You do have 5 children, one cannot live with you as he was taken too soon but you will always be his mother.

    Your loss was very recent and you need time to come to terms with this. Some people find it easier not to mention their loss but you need to decide if it's easier for you or for others- if the answer is that it is easier for you then don't talk about your baby til you are ready. If not talking about him is easier for others it doesn't matter- this is you and your family's loss and others must accept your need to talk about your son. If they find it awkward to talk to you about your son then they are not the people who should be around you, perhaps they should just listen to you when you need them to

    This loss will affect many lives, I'm truly sorry that this has happened to you

    2675 days ago
    I am so sorry you have had to suffer this loss....I truly can't imagine. I do know, however, that you need to answer the question in the way that will be the least painful for you at the time. Your child will live forever in your heart and that is the most important thing. You will "get better" when it will happen as you are ready.

    Just know that here on Spark and everywhere you go there are many of us moms who understand how painful this must be and we all extend warm hugs and support to you.

    You will find the way...we are here for you.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2675 days ago
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