Sunday, October 17, 2010
I'm sitting here, basking in the after-glow of what was supposed to be a healing... fling.
Except neither Me, nor the Adonis who is busy cancelling appointments in NYC right now, so he can stay on here, are fling material.
I didn't factor that in.
I was just lookin' for a boy toy, a fun way to burn some calories ...OK, pounds... I put on after eating chips for tne first time in over a year. Often referred to as "break-up binging'. Which I haven't done much of at all in the past 3 years. Throw in that I was losing my life partner, and... it was rough. I couldn't stop crying.
But, I think my new friend LIFEANDALL nailed it. Some... OK, most...men are easily intimidated by a healthy, attractive woman. Factor is some serious accomplishments, and... she's terrifying. It sounds all wrong, but maybe such a lady respresents a mountain of work to keep up with.
(I'm really not. I'm very easy-going. Men are always surprised by that. Very strange.)
I had found a fabulous man who I still believe is the mate of my soul. W/we've had an amazing relationship, and continue to have an emotional and spiritual bond, he made Me realise that there's hope and love in store for Women, post-rape, no matter what the rape has done to Her body, or brain. he made Me believe in hope for unusual Ladies Who believe in (and have to have) connection with someone at all levels... not just physical, vanilla, D/s, but who believe in an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level as well.
For all that, I am grateful. I learned a lot, and expanded my concept of love. How can I stop loving a person I have once loved? If I do, it cheapens the bond. If I loved someone, there must have been something good about them.
Fast forward to meeting the 6'4" blond, blue-eyed body-builder. Mmmm, mmmm.
No, I'm not putting up pictures... yet. Earth girls may be easy, but we have some grace.
It never, ever occurred to me, till LIFEANDALL wrote it, that men may be frightened by a healthy-weight attractive woman. I mean, don't men have it all? What could they fear, if they make all the rules? Don't they get to pick and choose in this society? Unless you are a Lady with an... 'alternate' .... sexuality and political worldview. But still, even We alternative Ladies live in the world-at-large,too, not in a vacuum.
So, I got to thinking that if I am a bit 'frightening', then maybe I should start hanging out with men who are not frightened of Me.
(Well, not at first... and only by mutual consent. I have morals. *wink*)
I learned that handsome men have a similar problem. Ohhhhh, to have these problems, I hear you saying! Hey, they are still problems if you get hurt.
This particular gorgeous specimen found Me attractive (OK, 'hot' in his words - but I'll take 'em!) and interesting. And unique. And non-judgmental.
he told me that in O/our lifetsyle, he is often overlooked. Women assume he is just some dumb jock who wandered into the wrong place. They would rather have the 'emo boy'. He wants to say, "Nooo. emo boy will just use you, and play his terrible guitar while you support him, as he makes more demands... Pick me, Pick me!" But he doesn't, because that is contrary to who he is. Apparently, folks assume he couldn't possibly be A) smart enough to know about the lifestyle, or B) deep into it and NOT the role his height, form and looks would make one think.
he was blown away that I approached him and treated him with respect and dignity. And... erm.... isn't that what W/we all want??
Yes, he's physically gorgeous, but he's also smart and sweet....and been around the block enough times to know that it's not easy to find Ladies like Me. Best of all, he knows what it is like to be overlooked because of 'assumptions' by other people, as opposed to his actions or intrinsic value as a human.
(I wish the heck this SP thang had underlining capabilities! Or I could write assumptions in magenta...)
Soooo.... I'm taking a little vacay. I'm gonna enjoy My present. I'm learning that wealthy handsome men are intimidating to (most) women. But they are human beings, and need love too. And recognition for who they are as people.
Is it a fling... or a start of something beautiful?
Who cares? he's making dinner.
All I know is that the poor,ugly men out there, who keep groaning about 'women', wanting shallow things and vain men have it all wrong. Some ladies DO give them chances. In fact, chance after chance after... and We just want to be appreciated. But ... if they can't appreciate us, then we'll go for the other 'outliers'. The ones who aren't afraid of us and like us just as we are, the ones who have no desire for us to stunt our own growth or hide our Light.
If that means a handsome, wealthy mover and shaker, well, them's the breaks.
We all, all of us, want to be appreciated for our own unique selves. The people on all parts of the spectrum. The folks with some extra punds, and the folks without. Those with extra income, and those who have hardly enough.
The folks whom society calls "pretty" or "handsome", and those whom society calls "alternative". Well, *I* say "alternative"... society says something else.
Well, dinner's ready. I may be off the boards for a bit. I do deserve a vacay, according to my horoscope.
Be well, Spark Friends, and never judge a book by its cover... even if it's a really pretty cover!!