Thursday, October 14, 2010
Okay, so today we got our school pictures and when I looked at mine I just wanted to puke. I looked horrendously fat, like I hadn't spent the last 10 months losing almost 40 pounds. After getting past a little of the shock, I got out last year's pictures to compare them to. My thinking in doing this is that I would see a difference in my face, that this year's picture would show my face being thinner. HOLY CRAP, not only did my face NOT look thinner, but I looked 10 years older. So, I'm still fat, I look ten years older, and my birthday is a little over a week away.
If all of that wasn't enough to make my day truly SUCK, I should be speeding my way to North Carolina for the race instead of spending time typing on my computer. Unfortunately, I couldn't find anyone to go with me so I am stuck here and having to eat my tickets because no one could be found to buy them. I always look forward to this race because it is the week before my birthday and this is what helps me get through it each year. Birthdays are not my thing, because they always remind me I am another year older and still alone. At least if I get to the race, I am still riding on that high and feeling of relaxation. Not to be this year. This year is going to be full of stress, sadness, and hopelessness. I think when I go to bed tonight, I will just stay there until after my birthday, have myself a good cry, and try not to continue wishing for the things that will obviously never be.
Sorry for the pity party, but I just had to let it all out. Usually it helps to vent, but so far I'm not feeling it.