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    YOGINI_JACKIE  
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Overwhelmed...


Thursday, October 14, 2010


Sorry about all the crying guys. I was debating uploading this...but this is how I feel right now, so...
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPOLICIOUS 10/16/2010 11:26PM

    :'( Huns, you're human... it's okay to be scared... *hugs* Trust me, you'll make it, you of ALL people. And remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

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NIKICOLE2010 10/16/2010 5:47PM

    I HEART you, Jackie! Stay strong! You are such a beautiful person and YES, you will be fine because you ARE strong. It's okay to be human and feel scared and doubtful at times. If what you're doing was easy everyone would do it. And you ARE doing it! I am so PROUD of you. The future is unknown, so just try to take it one day at a time. I know, and I know you know, that no matter what happens you will land on your feet. Challenges make you stronger if you are willing to fight, that's what life is all about! :)

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MSCOCOPUFFS01 10/15/2010 3:02PM

    Girl, a choice to better yourself is NEVER the wrong choice. You are such a determined, bright, and wonderful person. At least thats what I see through yoru vlogs. You have a great outlook on life and what it takes to be successful. You ARE successful!!!! You don't believe in just sitting around doing nothing, soaking up someone else's benefits. You are a go -getter and although this is hard right now, you WILL get through it and I have a feeling this teacher of yours will grow a deep respect for you!! Even if she doesnt show it!!

Do NOT appologize for this not being a happy vlog. This is YOU and how you feel right now. This was a good decision to upload it!!

I definatly get the whole college finance frustration. I might have went into this before but I'll tell it again. I went to school when I was 21, single mother who just wanted to be able to take care of her daughter without having to bust her but at a fast food joint to make us surivive.. know what I mean? So I became a Medical Laboratory Tech. I had to get loans so that I could do school FULL time. I worked 3 12 hour overnight shifts a week. I drove 75 miles to and 75 miles from school and clinicals everyday... And I was raising 2 year old daughter. I got this stupid eye disease 2 years after I got out of school and it crushed any dream I had of doing THIS job I had went to school for. I am now legally blind and applyed several times for my loans to be dismissed. No such luck. Blindness isn't a *disability* in the eyes of the federal government. So I get to use NONE of the education I got and have to pay back ALL of it. It's around 20,000 dollars. No where near what you have to pay back but I still get it!!! I am so sorry you are feeling like this right now. I wish I coud just give you a hug!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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MIBELLALUNA 10/15/2010 1:13PM

    I know you don't have time to waste but do you ever watch "Funny or die" .com???

I was entertaining myself with it last night and if you ever need a lift and have a twisted sense of humor (like myself) it may give you a laugh. I went to watch a different vid from these two girls but started scanning their stuff and thought of you, being a runner and feeling down. It's called "Running with Chicken". ;)

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DANIELLEBB1 10/15/2010 1:07PM

  What an amazing and courageous woman you are to make this post. sometimes our circumstances do get us down but don't let it keep you down. Remember why you started this journey in the first place. It may even help to post your reasons somewhere that you can see them everyday. Everything is going to be ok. Don't cry suga. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. You are stronger than you know. Stay positive and know that there are literally thousands of people struggling mentally, physically, and financially right now. Try to focus on the positive strides you have made and keep pushing forward. Good luck and I'm praying for us all.

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CAMELA_55 10/15/2010 7:53AM

    I'm sorry you are feeling so badly, Jackie.
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Like you said.... keep your head up and keep working hard.
Hoping tomorrow looks a little brighter.
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MIBELLALUNA 10/14/2010 10:05PM

    OH Jackie, I'm so sorry you are feeling this pressure!! I can't say I know anything like it, I've never made any commitment /sacrafice anywhere near what you have taken on. Those loan figures scare the daylights out of me also! I do believe in my heart if anyone can work it all out it's YOU!! Not just 'blowing smoke' at you, girl, something in your spirit comes across completely as the person who WILL succeed. You are so hard on yourself, you are bound to face the burn out factor, yes? I'm so glad you can vlog about it. You are SO brave. I hate to steal from Tim Gunn, but I KNOW you will 'make it work!" (I wish I could send you on a NICE tropical vacation! )

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VIKKIC87 10/14/2010 5:41PM

    Okay, first of all HUGS!!! and lots of them.
You shouldn't be made to feel inferior, everyone learns differently and at different paces. I know from watching your vlogs how hard you have worked so don't think that it's because you read it wrong, you may have viewed it differently or come to a different conclusion but it does NOT make you wrong.
Whoever this teacher is, she shouldn't be making you compromise for her, YOU are paying to attend this course and part of that is help with your studies, your fees pay her wages so she should be helping you out.
Don't feel as though you made the wrong decision, I know it's hard right now to look at the bigger picture and think of how much it's all going to cost and how big it all is, but maybe it's one of those things you take day by day, you will get there but trying to think about everything all at once is going to be waay too much and is overwhelming.
You are doing this because it was a goal of yours, it made you happy and yes you made a sacrifice but it was for a reason and I think that you have only been there a few weeks, it is going to take a little longer for you to find your feet after having a break from it. I went from school to college to uni so didn't have a break so it was easier to get back into it but after a break you are being tested again and it just takes a little while to get into the swing of things.
At the end of it though, you will have a masters and then maybe go on to do your PHD these are goals in your life, and everyone has and needs goals and things that make them happy.
take each day as it comes, you will get there!
I wish I lived near by and I would come and give you a hug so internet hugs will have to do I am afraid, know that you have support and myself and all your sparklers are here when you need us!
Hope things get better for you soon!
love
Vikki xx

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CRAZYK8S 10/14/2010 3:29PM

    Very brave to post, and very valid feelings. I have been struggling with the whole school debt thing for awhile now. It is frustrating - especially here in the US. Good luck with school and your upcoming presentation. I think you are harder on yourself than anyone else is so i think you will do well! :D

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FAIRVIEWBONNIE 10/14/2010 3:27PM

    Whew! Girl, you are having a major down day. Glad you unloaded all that weight. Just remember, to get anything in life is an endurance test. My brother got his PhD and I asked him "how he did that?" He said, "really, it is just an endurance test to get to the end." You have to know what you want, stay with it. I have been in classes and felt totally lost. Then it starts to work on your self esteem. Buy the extra train tickets and have your meeting with your teacher. She has already completed her endurance test and now it is your turn. Also, when you go in there....put a smile on your face and find humor in all of this. As a matter of fact, show her/him this blog.....just kidding. Hang in there and tell us how this chapter of your life ends. I always want to read happy endings, though. Bonnie in Virginia emoticon

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P0KERS0PH 10/14/2010 3:19PM

    I know what it's like to be overwhelmed with money issues & debts. I seeked advice from a free source that we have in the UK & they really helped my make up a budget & see that things really aren't as bad as they first appear.

I am still paying off my student loan now, 7 years on! It doesn't sound nearly as expensive as yours tho. I don't understand why it is so expensive. It's not right.

Keep strong x

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JESSASAURUSFLEX 10/14/2010 3:15PM

    From what I understand just from hearing how you feel based on what you have experienced... you are warented in feeling the way you do. She seems biased, and frankly.... a bad educator. Any educator that won't meet with a student asking for extra help is a bad one in my mind. Not every person learns the same way, or reads things and perceives things the same way from what they read. Working at the school I do, we wind up differenciating the same lesson 3 or 4 diferent ways EVERY day. We do this because kids need individualized modifications. Does it take more time to prepare? YEAH... but seeing their faces when they understand a concept and do well is the pay off. Having kids get As and Bs for the first time in their life is one of the most rewarding things for me... so okay, I strayed wayyy off topic but it does go back to same concept. Teachers and educators that cannot give of themselves, or view people as better than others shouldn't be educators. So no- you aren't crazy or paranoid, and you aren't wrong in your feelings. It was petty of her to say that. Rude, and petty.

Don't feel bad for seeing things one way when you have read the same thing as someone else and they see it differently. Your opinion and your view of things cannot always be the same. As long as you can back up your view with valid statements who the eff cares. She can be as partial as she wants.. You still are a great student. You are making efforts where she is not coming through on. In the long run, that makes you the better person, and you should feel guilt free.

You left your old position to better yourself, and take an opportunity. Never feel bad for that! I know it feels like its such a fight just to follow your heart... and yeah the debt is very heavy on your mind.. (I completely understand) and is why I haven't went back to school.. I have a lot of debt already.. and I can identify with your stressing out.

I cannot tell you that it will all be worth it, or that you made the right decision.. but I believe in what you believe. And it all might feel so oppressive right now... and like you'll never dig out... BUT YOU WILL... and so will I... I know God has really big plans for you. I can only imagine what a great teacher you are.. and he is going to use you in a mighty way. Those who go through trials like this can only be better to those around them for they have experienced such tough times.

I believe you girl. Try and keep your chin up. :)
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SOPHIETR 10/14/2010 1:55PM

    Thank you! for sharing your feelings. Please hang in there. I am a lot older than you, and I get many days like the one's you are feeling too, YOUR not alone. God bless you and I know he will guide you and you will feel better in days to come. Take care...and Good luck!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LUNDIEP 10/14/2010 1:41PM

    Proud of you for voicing your feelings. So healthy, hon! ((hugs))

I'll catch you on Skype later...ok?

Love you girlfriend!

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FRECKLE10 10/14/2010 12:49PM

    We must use our inner strength to survive. You are on the winning team.

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COUNTRYFIELDS 10/14/2010 12:26PM

    GOD WILL NOT THROW THINGS YOUR WAY THAT YOU CANNOT HANDLE, KNOCK AND THE DOOR WILL BE OPENED, ASK AND YOU SHALL RECIEVE. SMILE AND SAY THREE POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF EVERYDAY. GOD LOVES YOU!

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ROGUE_RUNNER 10/14/2010 12:20PM

    Jackie ... I know it's hard right now. I know that you don't see it for what it is because you are very emotional (I am joining you in the emotional overload in my own life right now)

You made the right decision for you. Don't second guess that - you are doing great juggling your life - being a grown-up SUCKS. It's hard. Thanks for coming on here and venting - it's good for you. Know that we all believe in you and love you very much! Let us know how you are doing later.

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YOURJONES 10/14/2010 12:19PM

    Oh hun! You need a hug! I am SO sorry you're hurting right now. I don't have the best advice for you but I think that you already carefully thought about the pros and cons of going back to get your masters and you made the right decision for you. I think that because you feel lost in that one class and the fact that your teacher is not being very helpful is making everything else seem worse. Presentations can be so nerve wrecking and I think that is just exasperating everything else. Hang in there girl and do your best with your presentation and you'll probably feel better once you get that over with. Sorry, if I'm way off. I hope you feel better real soon!
((((((((Jackie))))))))
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SWEETLIPS 10/14/2010 12:03PM

    I so understand your pain and yes, I do have an enormous debt as well. Can you defer the interest, as I have done, until you are employed. Do not be afraid, and no, you did not make a bad decision, you have a mountain and mountains can be moved. You are increasing your education base, so that you can assist and do real teaching to the students that will be sent your way. YOU ARE A TEACHER at heart.

YOU ARE NOT DEFEATED, YOU ARE A VICTOR! Okay, precious dry your eyes and know that a change is going to come. As for that teacher, I am going to pray that God opens her mind and that she is able to see your pain at not always understanding. Is she open for a call to discuss what is needed?

I will be teaching prisoners to write off some of my loan for about 3 years. There are some community services that you can do to eliminate SL debt. Take care and know that you are not alone.

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QUEENBME2 10/14/2010 11:47AM

    DRAW STRENGTH FROM GOD FOR HE TRULY CARES FOR YOU!

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