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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Okay. so I am a quilter. But most of you already know that.

I also have a house I like to keep at least SEMI clean.

And that means dragging out the vacuum cleaner.

I have an internal vacuum system in my house, but also have a Golden Retriever, Winsten. That means the internal vacuum system gets all clogged up with dog hair.

So I drag out the heavy old regular vacuum, and begin.

I really do like the look of a freshly vacuumed house. It always seems to be nice and fresh, ya know?

I mean I like the LOOK of a freshly vacuumed house. I DO NOT LIKE to vacuum.

That's because there is always something that doesn't want to be vacuumed, and wants to live where it is FOREVER.

Like a thread on the carpet.

Now I don't know about you, but threads on the carpet are always difficult for me. Or rather, difficult for my vacuum cleaner.

It picks and chooses which thread it will pick up.

And in a quilt room, there are always lots of threads to choose from.

So I bravely enter the quilt room, vacuum cleaner roaring away, and attack the threads on the floor.

Oh, my, isn't the floor beginning to look nice!

My trusty vacuum cleaner is just going after those threads like a whirling durvish. My room is looking SO clean!!!

Except for that red thread over there.

I run the vacuum over it, knowing it will be gone.

Wrong. There it lies, just as though nothing happened at all.

Go over it again with the vacuum!

It is still there, smirking up at me and the vacuum cleaner.

Okay. Enough. Go over it from a different angle, and go over it several times.

It is there, mocking me and my engineered vacuum cleaner that is advertised to being able to suck up a bowling ball.

Grrrrr. Set the vacuum cleaner to its lowest setting, and run over that red puppy string a BUNCH of times!

Still, the obstinate red thread is there, clinging to the carpet with herculean strength.

I aim at it from a yet different direction, then try to go in at it from a circular direction.

Nothing works.

I'm sweating like mad, the vacuum cleaner is roaring and getting hot, and the thread lies there, all innocent looking.

But I know better. That thread is NOT innocent at all. It is an evil menace. It is lurking there, waiting to trip me up or something. All three inches of it.

It is just THERE!

I try another couple of dozen times to run it down, but to no avail.

The thread is still there.

I'm exhausted, threatening to throw the vacuum out the window, and then I just give up.

I angrily shut off the useless vacuum cleaner, wrap the cord around it in a death grip, and shove it in the closet.

I slam the door to the quilt room, where that damned red thread is still lying on the floor, as if it has a right to be there.

I am NOT going in that room. I will IGNORE that stupid hated thread.

I will go find a cookie. That will fix everything!

I am forced to eat a cookie.

The thread makes me eat the cookie.

It is not my fault. I have been taken over by the red thread demon.

What's that you say?? "Why don't I just PICK UP the thread????"

If you are asking that question, then obviously, you must be a MAN!
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