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SENIOR PARALYSIS

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

When I bought my Blackberry I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 Employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter.

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it,and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead…well, it was not a good relationship.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot."
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAMMY0328 10/15/2010 5:58PM

    Priceless!

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2BEATIT1 10/15/2010 1:11PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

This is just too funny. I'm not a techy either, but now I have the GPS down to a science.
We had a funny thing happen to us when we first got ours. We were heading for the Northern Cascade Mtns. The GPS said, 'Turn left here.' Well what an experience, we ended up in a cornfield with corn starks towering higher than our midsize car. Then the road turned into a rutted path. At the end the GPS told us to keep going, even though the sign said, "Not open to through traffic." By this time I was panicking since I was driving. My hubby said just go. To make a long story short, the route took us down the side of the mountain on a twisty turning narrow path.
The good thing, it finally got us to where we wanted to go but not without almost giving me a heart attack.
However now I love the GPS and it helped us get to know our province when we first moved here.
Thanks for sharing your funny story.

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TUTUNAN 10/14/2010 1:22AM

    What a good laugh. I'm too old for this technological age...

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DIANE7786 10/13/2010 11:19PM

    I know the feeling. Before I got all the new technology, I never realized the joy of solitude. I ditched all the new technology except for a basic cell phone. The off button is my favorite feature!

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GLORRE 10/13/2010 11:14PM

  I will have to quote you on the "bi-sacksual"! Good one.

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