Wednesday, October 13, 2010
To those of you that have been wondering what is going on with my Mom.
This has been the longest Month of my Life. I am so tired, but I do not have time to stop yet.
My Mom is a very strong lady, she can squeeze your hand and bring you to tears or break a nail (which she did). She got that from garden all of these years, she loves her flowers and veggies. Her whole life she has spent in her yard.
She entered the hospital on Sept. 13th and is still there, this montht has been like "Toad's Wild Ride" to say the least.
Every step of the way I have relayed on Jehovah to help me do the right thing, and around every corner I never knew what would happen.
After she had the surgery to close the hole in her stomach to stop the air leaking in, they placed the feeding tube, but she was not able to come off of the ventilator she they wanted place a trach tube for her to breath with and my brother and I were both ready to say no because we knew she did not want that but she said yes. We both think she got scared and was afraid that she would not be able to breath on her own. That's ok that was her choice. But once she realized that she had it she was very unhappy and the longer she stayed on it the better her body liked the air it was getting so she was becoming very dependent on it. They told us that she was stable and did not need to stay in ICU anymore and we need to decide what we wanted to do.
We were told that there were only two facilities that provide the care that she needed in Fresno and only 5 in the whole Valley so most people that need her type of care had to go down South. In my mind and my brothers that was not an option. No way are we going to send out Mother down South with no family around. We told them no that is not an option. She really did not want to live on a tube all of her life. So we they said that if we were sure that that is not what she wanted we could look into Palliative Care.
We decided to go with Palliative care since she was terminal and there was no cure for her. So yesterday (10/11/10) we took her off of the feeding tube, and the ventilator and she was put on a morphine drip to keep her comfortable while the ventilator was taken off so she would not panic if her breathing started to stop. They told they did not know how long she would last because there is no way to know. Well she started breathing on her own that was at 3:00 yesterday, I went back to the hospital today at 1:00 and she was still breathing on her own and stable. So I sat beside her for a few hours and told her how much I loved her and that Jehovah loves her and talk to her about everything I could think of to make her comfortable. I know that she can still hear me.
Like I said in the beginning she is a very strong lady. My Mom and I love her. I have spent may day crying my eyes out and even though I do not celebrate my birthday on that day I went to see her and she kept hugging me and frowning and hugging me more, I think she knew that is was that day (they write the date on the board and she could see it) and she knew how hard this is for me. I cried so much that night at the hospital and going home that I did not want to go back by myself because I was afraid to drive in that condition again, I was afraid I would get into an accident and did not want that to happen.
I still cry but I have had a calm come over me and I will get through this.