Monday, October 11, 2010
So I'm almost at my final goal. Everyone can see a dramatic difference. I look great, and my immediate reponse is that I feel great, too. It feels so good to be me again. My lastest reflection is the realization that I am finally comfortable with the compliments on my appearance.
Some background information: I have two wonderful children. My son is 19 years old, and my daughter is almost 14, but there was another daughter. My second child died 15 years ago as a newborn. There are no words to describe the pain that comes with the loss of a child. To add "insult to injury", she died in early May, and her services were held the day before Mother's Day. Each year I celebrate Mother's Day, embracing my children who live, and remembering the child who didn't. You never, ever get over the pain and the loss.
All this brings me to my new state of mind -- finally I WANT to look good. In the past, when I lost weight, I put it back on as soon as I started to get compliments. I didn't feel good inside, so it showed on the outside. When people told me that I looked good, I thought (subconsciously) I don't feel good, and I want the world to know that I am not good, I am not done grieving, I am still in pain. The weight went back on so my outward appearance reflected my inner state of mind. I was hurting.
I'm sharing this so I might be able to help others. If you are struggling with your weight loss, or having trouble maintaining, ask yourself a difficult question: Do you truly want to feel good? If yes, then you know what you have to do to get there -- do it. Give yourself time, patience, and focus, and it will happen. If the answer is no, then first you have to address that before you can be successful and feel good about yourself. I once heard, that where the mind goes, the body follows. Work on your mind. Clean up whatever pain or burden (mental weight) you are carrying, and then focus on the physical weight. The work will be easier and long lasting. Wanting to look good -- truly wanting it -- is the first hurdle!