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    JODAFEEN17   13,699
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Starting over, yet again...square 1 is getting old

Monday, October 04, 2010

Well, after my previous blog, I'm sad to say that all the bit of progress I'd made has gone *poof*. I have regained the weight, plus a little bit more, which is disheartening. I want to blame my work schedule, but deep down I know that's just another excuse. I want to blame the breakroom donuts on Fridays, but again, that's a copout. I think I just gave up.
I have felt many pressures on me: starting counseling, which I guess has brought up a bunch of old, unresolved feelings; being dissatisfied with my life, my boyfriend, my dead garden. It has just all piled up on me, with nowhere to turn but food for comfort and solace. I don't like when I feel this way, and have a hard time getting up out of that darkness when it's just so deep.
Yesterday, however, I got back into walking, which I hadn't done in a while (say months?) by walking to work (partway, just two miles). And, it felt good to do that! I ate salad for dinner tonight, with poached chicken, green beans and just a light sprinkle of cheese. Little by little, I'm working on getting myself back into the right headspace. Wish I knew why I sabotage myself the way I've been doing, but I really need help to get OFF this carousel and ON to a better frame of mind, and thus a better body. I must defeat my self-destructive tendencies before I can count on seeing any success.
Any ideas, anyone? I'll listen to any and all suggestions for fighting the demons!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JODAFEEN17 12/10/2010 7:05PM

    Thanks, TXGrandma! Since this post, I've been trying to keep on the right path, but it's been a tough road, what with being surrounded by Christmas candy (and donuts at work meetings...although I have to admit, the last time there were donuts in the breakroom, I sat right next to them and managed to IGNORE the beasties!). I do feel, however, that I'm making some headway, and right now my team challenge is to NOT gain any weight, so for now I'm aiming for that. Once the holiday temptations are gone, I'll be able to really buckle down and just DO IT. Oh, and getting some new insoles will help.
BTW, I got a kick when you wrote about your husband being from back East like me...I rememeber driving through Kearney and having to hold my breath passing through, the smell from the natural gas refineries was awful fierce! Glad I'm in New Mexico!

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TXGRANDMA 12/10/2010 9:04AM

    Glad that you are back in here! I, too, have been through losing the weight and regaining it again (Weight Watchers is how I lost it and it is a good program, I just backslid) I didn't hear about Spark People until January of this year, 2010, and I joined immediately! Here I am, lost only about 10 pounds that stayed off, originally lost 13, but at this age, it is so hard to keep the weight off. I, too, enjoy walking and have the problem of mindless eating at night. I do wonderfully all day, then at night, fall to pieces! This is my biggest issue, I feel! We need to be Spark People buddies! I met my current husband here in Texas, he moved here from New York State, lived at Schroon Lake, but was born and raised in Kearney, NJ! We both are loving Texas, I was born and raised in Michigan. emoticon

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JODAFEEN17 10/6/2010 7:24PM

    Thanks, Emily! I actually got to take a short walk while I was on my lunch, and I'm eating better, trying to get those portions down. I have to allow myself to feel hungry sometimes, as I sometimes get into mindless eating and just don't stop, especially at night. I get to craving certain things, or a taste, usually sweet, so I'm just going to have to learn some tricks to "talk" myself out of the bad and into the good. Thanks for your kind words!
Jo

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EMILYD1952 10/6/2010 1:01AM

    You are back and that is all that counts.

It only doesn't count when you don't get back up and try again !

I am proud of you! It takes much courage to try again!

Keep it up, you will make it. !

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