Dreams....The Kind That Bump In the Night

Sunday, October 03, 2010

For the several years that I have been overweight, I have had a recurring and rather disturbing dream that rears its ugly, reminding head while I’m trying to enjoy a restful slumber. The setting of the dream is never the same (not that it matters), but the message is. And always loud and clear.

So, and as dreams go, it goes something like this… I find that I’ve tumbled into some Wonderland-ian rabbit hole where a strange series of dreamy events begin in which I play the lead. But then, and quite unexpectedly, the storyline is disrupted. My entire being is suddenly unable to play out my given dream role because the spotlight – and therefore my focus – has shifted entirely, zooming in on a two-bit horror flick realization.

My mouth – my teeth and my gums, they’re covered by this very strange, tacky, gooey substance. It’s a cross between the dental plaster used to make a mold of a person’s teeth, and something like 57 pieces of Bazooka, well-chewed, and now, well stuffed into and plastered onto every surface and gap in my mouth. Needless to say, I am immediately intent upon ridding myself of the flavorless, nasty stuff, but no amount of chewing or gnawing will make the substance purgeable or – worse – ingestible.

What I am clear on, however, is that this stuff is holding me back – I cannot utter a word because of it. In my dream moment, the glob has rendered me mute, unable to do or say what I’ve come to this dream place for, unable to express myself. But then again, I think, I wouldn’t dare speak through the gloppy stuff even if I could, because I’m embarrassed as hell. I can feel the eyes watching me. And so I keep my mouth shut so I don’t expose the disgusting stuff. I wonder… How many have noticed? What are they thinking? What are they saying?

At this point I quickly exit stage left, as they say, and find a private dream place (sometimes in front of a mirror) to free myself of this unwelcome intruder, trying desperately to peal it away layer by layer. Yet no matter how hard I try it returns, as if it’s growing back. I am horrified, helpless, stuck.

And this is where I awaken.


Now I’ve never felt I needed a PhD to figure out all the symbolism in this nighttime play and all of its discouraging sequels. But this is the first time I’ve ever written about it, or even told a soul. And so, my SparkPeople, this is my debut.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great blog! very interesting dream
    2700 days ago
    That is one heck of a dream! I hope writing about it helps take away some of its power over you. I also hope that you realize that not being yourself is not healthy, no matter who you might be and what anyone else thinks of that. We spend so much of our lives hiding and holding back because we're worried what other people think. The reality, and the only way to live, is to care about what YOU think of yourself and let everyone else take it or leave it.

    Hang in there! Glad you're here!
    2725 days ago
  • -LORI-B
    Once we figure out whats holding us back, we will be able to take the proper steps to be coming the best people we can be.
    Congrats on your 1st blog. Best to you on your journey.
    2726 days ago
    Welcome to Spark Blogging. I love the fact that we can help each other through listening and blogging.

    I am glad that I am not alone in odd dreams. I hope you can figure out what is holding you back and work through it. I think that is the hardest. Figuring out what I am trying to tell myself and then actually acting on what I am told.

    Best wishes as you continue to blog and continue the journey to a healthier you.
    2727 days ago
    Interesting dream. Mine usually comes when I'm stressed to the max. In them I'm the one that is getting eaten! It is a weird and interesting place that our minds can take us in our dreams. But one thing is for certain, we have control of where we take ourselves when we are awake.

    Keep thinking about what your mind is telling you and teach it to follow a different path to your future!

    Welcome to the First Step Club! You are doing great on your first step here!!

    2727 days ago
    Wow! You dream speaks volumes to how my fat makes me feel. It's holding us back from the life we want!

    Well, let's break free!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    2727 days ago
    some times dream ;make you cared because your doing a life;s good to write them down.keep up your good job. emoticon emoticon
    2728 days ago
    Great expression of what your subconscious is telling you. When we embark on a lifestyle change we feel timid, scared, helpless and sometimes overwhelmed. I am no dream expert by any means, but what I hear is a battle between the old you and the new you wanting to come out. How wonderful to realize that as much as you feel like you are silent in your life by writing it down and putting it out there so to speak you are taking control. Wow I am so impressed. Follow your dreams of being fit and take away the power of your subconscious that is binding you. Ok really WOW you are awaking in our midst!
    2728 days ago
    Welcome to Spark! You are on your way to a successful journey!! I think writing out this dream you take back the power it has. It will be interesting to see if you continue to have it or if it goes away! Good luck to you on your journey!!!
    2728 days ago
    Thank you for sharing it with us.
    2728 days ago
    Congrats on your first blog and thanks for sharing. You are on your way. I definetely don't have an understanding of dreams though.
    2728 days ago
    Glad you were able to bring this dream up to the light of day. Maybe that will help diminish it. Can't say I have had any thing like it. My usual anxiety dream is I can't find my car. I know I have parked it some where on the street but it doesn't seem to be around any more.
    2728 days ago
  • CAROLJ35
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You have taken the first step in the right direction! Keep blogging! Keep us posted on how you are doing!
    Spark People works if you work it!!!
    2728 days ago
    Jewel ~ emoticon to the FSC Team Family!!!! You will find that the more that you "bare your soul" in your blogs, the more help & support {{or kicks in the behind, as needed}} you will get!!!! ALL of us have issues & fears, and there is always someone on here who can share with you how they dealt with the same issue!!!! I found it VERY hard to share at first, but the FSC Team has taken me in & helped me to open up & with their help, I have learned, grown & made lifetime friends!!!! I am SO proud of you for sharing!!!! The Spark program is awesome if you use it!!!! You won't be able to do this overnight, so "baby steps" is the best way to go!!!! You CAN do this & you WILL!!!!
    Hugzz ~ Jae emoticon
    2728 days ago
  • CRIT524
    keep blogging! every bit helps and every pound counts!!
    2728 days ago
    Words are powerful.. and you've put it out there.. and therefore taken away some of it's power... good for you!
    2728 days ago
    Now that you have brought your nightmare into the light of day, I expect that things will begin to change.

    No need to feel embarrassed here. You spit out something that had the power to frighten you, and instead of condemnation, you get emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2728 days ago
    What an excellent debut on SparkPeople! Getting rid of this nightmare is definitely a step in the right direction. Good for you for processing this and for trusting others with your subconscious self. Definitely I'll be back to see how you're doing and I wish you the best of luck in your emerging journey.
    2728 days ago
    Welcome to our SparkFamily...!

    Sharing as you have is the BEST way to get the absolute MOST from SparkPeople!

    2728 days ago
  • BOOKWORM1448
    You did it!! It is hard to put your feelings out there for the world to see, but you shared something personal with the Spark world. I can pick the symbolism out of your dream, but it will be interesting to follow you on your journey and see how the dream really ends. I like what The_Jench says about removing what is holding you back...
    2728 days ago
    That is one vivid dream! I think you'll find writing about it helps, and looking back on it later on (weeks or months) often clarifies things even more (although yes, the symbolism seems quite clear already!) You're on the right path in taking control of your nutrition and activity - you'll make it!
    2728 days ago
    Airing it out will help to put even dream embarrassment to bed (pun intended!) I dread the family pictures where they only catch you eating. even if the only thing you ate the entire party was celery! (hugs) and hope that this dream will go away
    2728 days ago
  • VALI_T
    Perhaps you feel powerless in your dream because you feel powerless in your life when you're awake? I don't know, I'm not a psychologist, just a layperson making a wild guess. But I'm thinking that this may be the case, and that once you start losing weight and getting into better shape...basically taking control over your health...that you'll see that you have some power over your life after all and maybe those dreams will come less often.

    Anyway, welcome to SparkPeople and thank you for sharing something so intimate with all of us. Good luck to you on your personal journey toward better health and more power over your own life.
    2728 days ago
  • RESULTS361AP09
    Thank you so much for sharing your dream. It always helps to know that others out there have experienced things very similar to us. Just take it one step at a time-make one small change this week like tracking your food. Then next week make another small change. That way it doesn't seem so overwhelming! Good luck!
    2728 days ago
    thanks so much for sharing your dream and story!

    Together we can do what we could never do alone!

    I look forward in watching and hearing your journey!

    2728 days ago
    Welcome! Sparkpeople will definitely help you to develop the skills to remove that which is holding you back! And hopefully, in time, you`ll have another dream to write about where you rid your mouth of that stuff or it never occurs or something entirely different.
    2728 days ago
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