Friday, October 01, 2010
Ya'll I want to tell you that September was some kind of bad month for me! Not in terms of weight loss (cause I somehow managed to lose almost 10 pounds), but in terms of emotional turmoil. But I have learned that depression has it's place in development just like anything else. So in reviewing the past month I was at least able to identify some of the triggers for that emotional cluster. The truth is that despite all my growth and learning through the years, I am still fixated on perfection and how things appear to others. I get so caught up in where I think or someone else thinks I SHOULD be that I forget just how far I've come. I don't take time to truly celebrate my victories and relish in my successes, much less wallow in gratitude for my blessings. I sat down today as one of my many "to do" lists began to run through my head and everytime my mind told me what needed to be done, I told my mind something that I had already achieved. That was the most fruitful mental exercise that I have done in a very long time. It was like giving excuses in reverse. And I'll have you know that no matter how pessimistic and persistent that "to do" list got, no matter how many things it could spout of that needed to be done, I could always out number it with victories I've already won. I may be moving slower than average, but I am by no means behind! It feels good to not just be telling myself that but to actually KNOW that. I know I have a long way to go, but the truth is that I'm a knowledge and experience junkie...I will always have a long way to go in something because there will always be something else I want to learn or do. So as long as I draw breath there will be a long road ahead of me. But the purpose of taking all these journeys was to enjoy the ride along the way and somewhere along the line I got so caught up with getting to the destination that I forgot that. So I came up with a little reminder for myself to repeat when the list of things I have to do starts to weigh me down. Each time I feel overwhelmed I will tell myself, "Don't let the thing you have left to do cloud your sense of achievement for the things you have already done." Hopefully this will help keep it fresh in my mind. But if it doesn't, I'm sure the Lord will remind me again...He always does.