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Fighting my way out

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I'm in a dark and scary place, trying to claw my way out. At times it feels safe but at other times I feel like I am sinking into a place where I will never escape. At times I am able to function and I know that I will make it out, that I will survive; then I am sucked back in.

I dont have the old feeling of closing myself off; well not as badly as I have in the past. I don't want to eat to fill the hole; alot of the time I feel the opposite way. Why should I eat if I dont feel like it? Why even bother? Sometimes I feel like this is the way I can gain the control in my life when so many other parts are so out of control and I crave control.

I have such awesome plans then the darkness comes over me again and the plans seep into the background.
I weep sometimes just inside and other times it comes out. I feel so tired; body, soul & mind. When will this go away? Will it go away?

Yet even as dark as it feels sometimes, I still fight, I still work to get out, it may be slow; but at least I am trying to get out.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MRSMLBJ 10/4/2010 11:42PM

    emoticon emoticon
Just know you have got friends when you need us.

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KIMF103 10/2/2010 11:07AM

    Sorry to hear you've been struggling! The darkness can overcome people in so many different ways. I struggle with my own temptations, so I know it isn't any fun. Please remember to light your candle when your in the darkness, look around and see that many of us are down there with you..,.you are never alone!! So, "don't let Satan, whhoo,it out....let it shine all the time, let it shine"

Keep praying and fighting!

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HAPPY0408 9/30/2010 12:20AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon I seen your huddle on the Inner Journey Sparkteam! Keep fighting and pushing forward. This to shall pass! If there is anything I could do to help just drop by. I will be hear with an open ear or shoulder to cry on. I suffer from depressiong and bipolar. I can relate to how you are feeling right now. It is a scary place. I am here for support if needed! emoticon

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MMAZZIE 9/29/2010 5:23PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EWYLIE12 9/29/2010 9:53AM

    You SO need to get Joyce Meyers Battlefield of the Mind book TODAY. Satan is working on you the same way he works on me and has since I was a teen. The moer we try, the more he convinces us of crazy thoughts of dought and fear and loneliness. He knows your weaknesses and what you're scared of. He's been studying you for a very long time. You need to sit down and quote Romans 8:1..Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Don't fall into condemnation.

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.. Prov 23:7

Get this book! It is exactly what you need right now. Say it outloud if you need to. Tell the devil to get away. I do it all the time and no.. I'm not crazy lol. Think positive! Get the book! They have it at Walmart for 12.64

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RJANE40 9/29/2010 8:28AM

    I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Have you considered therapy? I know that for me, once I stopped bingeing, all the emotions I was previously stuffing down came roaring out and I didnt (still dont) know how to deal with them. I think losing weight is a totally two-part deal: the physiological part of losing weight, but also the psychological part of figuring out why you became overweight in the first place.

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