Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I'm in a dark and scary place, trying to claw my way out. At times it feels safe but at other times I feel like I am sinking into a place where I will never escape. At times I am able to function and I know that I will make it out, that I will survive; then I am sucked back in.
I dont have the old feeling of closing myself off; well not as badly as I have in the past. I don't want to eat to fill the hole; alot of the time I feel the opposite way. Why should I eat if I dont feel like it? Why even bother? Sometimes I feel like this is the way I can gain the control in my life when so many other parts are so out of control and I crave control.
I have such awesome plans then the darkness comes over me again and the plans seep into the background.
I weep sometimes just inside and other times it comes out. I feel so tired; body, soul & mind. When will this go away? Will it go away?
Yet even as dark as it feels sometimes, I still fight, I still work to get out, it may be slow; but at least I am trying to get out.