The SparkPeople blogosphere is awash with fall challenges and with the cooler weather every single one of my Spark Friends seems to be gearing up for the holidays and rocking out a challenge to kick of the start of this crazy season.
So I want in. But I'm not going to do the WTF Challenge. I wanted to create my very own challenge that is very near and dear to my heart and very personal.
Before SparkPeople for me, there was Weight Watchers, and WW, and WW, and WW - over and over and over again. I have joined and quit at least 6 different times since I was about 8 years old. And for me - WW always yielded the same results - slow - if any - weight loss, starvation, fatigue and yoyo-ing on the scales until eventually I would get tired of it and give up. Clearly the program was not for me. The first time I joined I was counting food exchanges, then Points, then eating as much as I wanted as long as it was on the Core list. Nothing ever clicked - except that I hated Weight Watchers. I hated the meetings. I hated the system. I hated the food. But most of all I hated everyone else who had any amount of success doing the one thing that I seemed completely incapable of doing - losing weight.
Thankfully, Weight Watchers DID bring me one very valuable thing - a friend named Paz who exuded confidence and success. She had lost her weight on the program and was happy to take me under her wing and talk to me personally after meetings. I looked up to her, I idolized her, I wanted to be her. But I still didn't understand how she made the program work for her. Until one day I found out her real secret. I was talking to her about how unhappy I was and how depressed I was with my eating habits - and like I had no real control over what I was doing to myself. She nodded, and I saw the empathy in her eyes. She REALLY knew what I was talking about. And then she referred me to a place called The Awakening Center - a group of therapists that work specifically with eating disorders. She gave me the name and number of her therapist and said I should check it out, even if I only went to the group sessions, it would be a valuable experience. It took me three weeks to work up the nerve to call the number. But after I did, my life changed forever. I credit her, and Weight Watchers, and myself and all of my failed attempts for the person I am today. Happy accident maybe - but thank God it happened.
Fast forward through 5 years of therapy and I realize now that Weight Watchers was not to blame. Were I to do the program again now with everything I know, I'd likely be successful at it. Alas - I'm never going back - lifetime status or not. The WW logo will always be a scar on the face of my weight-loss efforts and for me, it would just be more symbolic of my current efforts and breakthroughs to wash the big "WW" from my life completely.
So that's what I'm going to do. One by one, I'm going to work through my old WW weigh-in books, and one by one I'm going to destroy them so I never have to look at them or at the person I was then ever again. I actually found my weigh-in book from when I was 13 years old. On the inside, under "Personal Goals" it says: To look better in my clothes so that people won't tease me. Oh my god - I just want to take that 13 year old me and hug her and tell her that it's all going to be ok. I remember the pain. I remember what I was going through at that point in my life. It was horrible. And now - I can't erase the past, I can't erase the pain, but I can get rid of those damn books and I can lose the weight that I was attempting to lose at that time, but FOR GOOD this time.
So that's the challenge. Lose the weight - destroy the WW weigh-in book.
Here's the first one:
This book spans the period in my life when I had just moved to Chicago, was having bad marital problems with my ex-husband, was still unable to work because of my Visa status in the U.S. and when, finally, thankfully, I met Paz. 25 of the most tumultuous weeks in my life. I'm so ready to say good-bye to them for good! My starting weight was 265.4 - exactly what I weigh right now. The lowest weight achieved over 25 weeks was 249.2. I still can't get over that I yoyo-ed like this for 25 weeks. Wow. This time, I'm going to give myself not even HALF of that time. I want to see 249.2 by the time I visit the scientist in Germany at the end of November. 9 weeks - 16.2 pounds. That's just under 2 pounds a week. I can totally do this. I have to. I've got 3 more books to go and a lifetime ahead of me to live WW free!
Disclaimer * I do not want to offend anyone who swears by Weight Watchers for their weight loss. To each their own. I respect WW and their programming. But if you're interested in having more of a conversation with me about why I don't like the program, I'm up for a good debate :) I'm a SparkPerson now - and as far as I'm concerned, this is where everyone needs to be. I'm also very open to talking about my therapy and about the Awakening Center and receiving counseling catered towards eating disorders. It has honestly changed my life. And it's an arguable first step for anyone who has issues with their weight and food.