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SHELLPROOF
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Perseverance- a most loved and hated word.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Even now, since I haven't ever gotten anything but a False Positive diagnosis; in the Dr's opinions and testing over almost 15 yrs (1997 first symptoms/testing)?

I deny RA and Lupus it's hold on me. Sometimes a BAD thing that leads to other issues, like now. Bad Blood Work and some terrible days I haven't seen in almost 10 yrs, and definitely since joining Sparks.

The Depression, comes and goes; linked mostly to my Frustrations with what I think I could or should be able to do. Just when do we determine its the Illness and NOT Old Age? Since most of us Lupies (slang for those with Lupus). We most of us LOOK Normal or what in today's definition is Healthy. Old age is something that is forever it seems 'redefined' in both Society and Medical profession. From what I can gather, even the Drs think its a state of mind! If so, with Lupus, Memory is a terrible Obstacle we face. I would then in my opinion, be considered Old beyond my age. Some days brink on Senility, and with some Medications they brink onto the Delusional and Vegetative; leaving me almost Comatose.

I DO NOT Bargain with God, nor do I Recommend it to anyone; YOU just might get it, and it won't be what you thought or expected when you get there.. I only ask for Strength and Comfort. I am very Careful with what I ask or Pray for now.

Reality has a different meaning for us Lupies, I think? We KNOW that each and every moment is undecipherable, and often a Gift or Curse. And we are often Bitter and Depressed due to Circumstances beyond our Control, and often that cannot be helped by any Medical Profession in a liveable manner and for some an Affordable way.

Yep, I haven't found a Process yet for Dealing with this. Do let me know the Steps. Please? I'm tired of the never ending Test that change, come back Normal one day and Abnormal the next. With no Answers or Solutions that work better or cheaper than what I've done for Yrs. Persevere, my most Favorite and Hated word.


FOR MY Lupus Friends- emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SMORSEBVR
    Be sure that we are thinking of you and hope that things take an upswing.
    2192 days ago
  • FRANKLY5
    Shell, You are an inspiration
    Fran
    2194 days ago
  • DONGR8NCHARNC
    Hang in there! Your positive attitude and perseverance will carry you through and to your goals. Best wishes on your journey.

    Denise
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2199 days ago
  • CAHUNO2
    You are a very strong person! I admire your "stick-to-idness". emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Carol
    2199 days ago
  • ENUFF81020
    Hey Shell,
    Chronic pain and health issues lead us down a lot of paths that nobody really can be comfortable going down. I sure understand what you are saying and I get sick of the pat answers that come around...duh "God won't give you more than you can handle." really makes me angry beyond belief. The God I believe in didn't casue my grief and who knows how much I really can handle. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Grr, did I have any choices here? "This will make you appreciate________(fill in the blank.) I appreciate everything in my life, how dare anyone think that I might not. And so on and so on. I know that the people making these comments don't mean to upset me or mean anything hurtful--but this stuff really stinks.

    I wish that I could wave my magic wand and make it better for you and myself and what the hay, for everyone anywhere dealing with this kind of junk. For now, accept my prayers and warm, gentle thoughts. I know that as far as I'm concerned, I'd take 4 hours of connected sleep. Take care my friend!!
    2199 days ago
  • DEVORA4
    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I find you to be an awesome and STRONG woman. emoticon
    2199 days ago
  • BWCAGRL
    You're AWESOME! (Just sayin')
    Thank you for expressing what so many of us feel. I hope it helps you as much as it is helping others.
    2199 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    I totally understand. emoticon
    2199 days ago
  • MIAMIA7
    Thanks Shell. Needed to read that today. Not been the best year for me but it also hasn't been the worst either. Like you said...I always ask God to help me make the best of my situation. Anne
    2199 days ago
  • DETERMINEDJANET
    Hugs to you!!!
    2199 days ago
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