Perseverance- a most loved and hated word.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Even now, since I haven't ever gotten anything but a False Positive diagnosis; in the Dr's opinions and testing over almost 15 yrs (1997 first symptoms/testing)?
I deny RA and Lupus it's hold on me. Sometimes a BAD thing that leads to other issues, like now. Bad Blood Work and some terrible days I haven't seen in almost 10 yrs, and definitely since joining Sparks.
The Depression, comes and goes; linked mostly to my Frustrations with what I think I could or should be able to do. Just when do we determine its the Illness and NOT Old Age? Since most of us Lupies (slang for those with Lupus). We most of us LOOK Normal or what in today's definition is Healthy. Old age is something that is forever it seems 'redefined' in both Society and Medical profession. From what I can gather, even the Drs think its a state of mind! If so, with Lupus, Memory is a terrible Obstacle we face. I would then in my opinion, be considered Old beyond my age. Some days brink on Senility, and with some Medications they brink onto the Delusional and Vegetative; leaving me almost Comatose.
I DO NOT Bargain with God, nor do I Recommend it to anyone; YOU just might get it, and it won't be what you thought or expected when you get there.. I only ask for Strength and Comfort. I am very Careful with what I ask or Pray for now.
Reality has a different meaning for us Lupies, I think? We KNOW that each and every moment is undecipherable, and often a Gift or Curse. And we are often Bitter and Depressed due to Circumstances beyond our Control, and often that cannot be helped by any Medical Profession in a liveable manner and for some an Affordable way.
Yep, I haven't found a Process yet for Dealing with this. Do let me know the Steps. Please? I'm tired of the never ending Test that change, come back Normal one day and Abnormal the next. With no Answers or Solutions that work better or cheaper than what I've done for Yrs. Persevere, my most Favorite and Hated word.
FOR MY Lupus Friends-