Round and round she goes, where she'll stop.....
Monday, September 20, 2010
A new attitude, new goals, new challenges, and the same ole same ole of the daily grind.
So, I have blogged about how unhappy I am at my job. We gear up every year to enforce rules, keep communication open, keep the peace and offer the best to the children and our faculty. Hmmm, it seems that when I try to do this, I get "you have a poor attitude", "watch what you do, how you say it", blah blah blah. So, we pep talk ourselves in to enforcing rules (I do not have an actual issue with the "schooling part". My kids go to my school, they get great educations.) and nothing changes.
I have been working in the office for 11 years, have seen people come and go, rules change, kids grow up and away, am constantly told how the school couldn't run without me (maybe this has gone to my head), but this year, I am just DONE! Like DONE being the fat girl, I am done with the office gossip, parent gossip, parents who think they run the school, parents who like to "monitor my attitude", administration (who are my fellow office mates) who when I voice a concern, only go back and "tattle" on my to my boss. Granted, I have had a crappy year, and I am on edge- I will fully admit that. Yet the frustration that builds inside of me, with the daily non-communication that happens around here has brought me to the edge. My children, as I said before, go to school here. I could never afford to send them to a private school if I didn't work here and qualify for financial aid as well, this brings me to my hard decision.
For my mentality, I need to find a new job. For my kids, I hate to leave my job. There are some great parents here, my kids have been here since they were 2, but my sanity is waning. They have been given great skills, I think they would flourish in a public school (which terrifies me- but that's my own issue), they are bright, articulate, outgoing....
I want to be a team player, I want to make a difference, and do my job to the best of my ability. I find that to be more and more impossible.
Today I have decided that I will no longer reach for that Team Player of The Year Award. I will keep to myself, I will back away from parents that flock to my office and think that it is a place for social hour. I will sit at my desk, I will do my job, no more, no less. I think this is such a poor attitude to have, yet other choices haven't worked out so well for me either. Sad I have to think this way.
What to do, what to do.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I'm sorry that you are so unhappy at your job. I hope that things improve for you quickly. Good luck with finding another job, if that is really what you end up pursuing. Love ya, Dawn
2432 days ago
Wow! You are up against it! My heart goes out to you. How about a baby step? Perhaps that will give you more clarity and information--plus a sense of at least some movement and control. How about checking out the job market? You have kids, so you can't quit until you have a new job any way. Maybe there's another school that needs someone like you?
I sense, though, that your soul may need a more major change right now. When I was at a similar blind crossroads some years ago, I went to a career counselor, who gave me a series of abilities tests. The results surprised me. She told me that talents are not things that you can shelve and call on when you need to fall back on them. Talents are noisy and demand to be used. She said that you don't have to use them all in a single job, but you need to use them somewhere. Otherwise, they create dissatisfaction as they clamor for attention. Do you think you might be undergoing some birth pangs? Perhaps the new you involves more than a smaller waistline.
Please remember that you have an army of Sparkers right behind you.
2435 days ago
My daughter is in kindergarten and my son is in third grade. It's a very hard decision, and I do ask people to move in to another room, etc, yet, I them get accused of being "moody". Hmph!
2436 days ago
How old are you children? Do they have a while left at the school?
You just have to decide if the school is worth you being unhappy. The best way to stay out of the gossip is to openly tell people that you would rather not discuss whatever topic is brought up. Eventually people will stop flocking to your door with the scoop. BUT you must be consistant and firm with people so they know that you don't want to deal with that anymore.
Good luck and I hope you work it all out.
2436 days ago
Thanks Carolyn! It's very frustrating, I am just so torn...I'm hoping time will help me figure it all out!
2437 days ago
I think it's hard to try and be someone we're not. Obviously, you try to excel at your job and make things right, and no matter the effort you're putting forth, things aren't changing. I've seen this with friends who watch others' children. The kids come to them with bad habits and parents who obviously do not care to put the effort into changing those habits. Then, my friends work really hard to help the kids change because they know things like good sleeping habits or manners or things like that will benefit the kids. They do all this work throughout the week and then parents have them for the weekends and everything is undone, week after week. The thing is, my friends care, or they wouldn't be trying so hard. However, if you don't have people who will work with you to bring about success, it's soul-draining. Things that are said to help are either taken wrong or ignored. Then, it starts affecting their own peace of mind and the family happiness. As the saying goes, if mom's not happy, no one's happy. Eventually, my friends have given in and told the parent that other arrangements need to be made. It's only fair. Something has to change. I know it's hard for them to do this because it's not who they are. They are people who want to help and make things better and by giving in in this way, they feel like they aren't be true to themselves. However, they and you have to do what's best ultimately for the self and for the family happiness. I hope that you find a solution that works for you. It won't be perfect, but if it brings you some peace, then, it will be better than the stress you're under right now. Life's not perfect, but striving for happiness and balance is always a worthy goal.
2437 days ago
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