Monday, September 20, 2010
A new attitude, new goals, new challenges, and the same ole same ole of the daily grind.
So, I have blogged about how unhappy I am at my job. We gear up every year to enforce rules, keep communication open, keep the peace and offer the best to the children and our faculty. Hmmm, it seems that when I try to do this, I get "you have a poor attitude", "watch what you do, how you say it", blah blah blah. So, we pep talk ourselves in to enforcing rules (I do not have an actual issue with the "schooling part". My kids go to my school, they get great educations.) and nothing changes.
I have been working in the office for 11 years, have seen people come and go, rules change, kids grow up and away, am constantly told how the school couldn't run without me (maybe this has gone to my head), but this year, I am just DONE! Like DONE being the fat girl, I am done with the office gossip, parent gossip, parents who think they run the school, parents who like to "monitor my attitude", administration (who are my fellow office mates) who when I voice a concern, only go back and "tattle" on my to my boss. Granted, I have had a crappy year, and I am on edge- I will fully admit that. Yet the frustration that builds inside of me, with the daily non-communication that happens around here has brought me to the edge. My children, as I said before, go to school here. I could never afford to send them to a private school if I didn't work here and qualify for financial aid as well, this brings me to my hard decision.
For my mentality, I need to find a new job. For my kids, I hate to leave my job. There are some great parents here, my kids have been here since they were 2, but my sanity is waning. They have been given great skills, I think they would flourish in a public school (which terrifies me- but that's my own issue), they are bright, articulate, outgoing....
I want to be a team player, I want to make a difference, and do my job to the best of my ability. I find that to be more and more impossible.
Today I have decided that I will no longer reach for that Team Player of The Year Award. I will keep to myself, I will back away from parents that flock to my office and think that it is a place for social hour. I will sit at my desk, I will do my job, no more, no less. I think this is such a poor attitude to have, yet other choices haven't worked out so well for me either. Sad I have to think this way.
What to do, what to do.