Battle Worn but Rising
Monday, September 20, 2010
I am in a battle. And I don’t know where I am in this battle. I see myself in the ring. Ready. Swinging. Punching. It doesn’t look good. But I have hope. I already know the outcome. I am a Victor. In the end, I win. But it’s the time in the middle. The time until the win is accomplished. I am both in the ring and on the side lines looking in. I hear myself say “This doesn’t look good”. “Fight! Fight! Don’t give up!”
Right now I am down. Looking up at the ref… Now I have a choice. ‘Cause even though I know the outcome, what do I do in the meantime? I can give-up. That would be the easiest thing to do. Everyone is beating against me. I am the underdog. Do I tap-out? That would be the thing to do when you feel like you are getting your butt beat. Or do I just stand? Go into prayer and watch this force field build around me.
I can’t speak for tomorrow. But today, I go into prayer. Lord, please grant me the strength to just stand as you fight this battle for me. You told me if I just hold on and have faith the size of a mustard seed I could look to the mountain and tell it to move. That whatsoever I bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatsoever I loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Grant me Your will and strength to keep going. To know that everything works for my good according to Your riches in glory. And I bind up the spirit of quitting, of giving up, of “I can’t”. In the mighty name of Jesus.
And so I rise, battle worn and tired. Having to do some things that I do not want to do, but know they are for my good. There is a lot going on around me, but I rise. And as I rise, I walk to the ropes and walk out of the ring because this battle was never mine. I rise and since I know that faith without works is dead, I rise and I keep my eyes closed because this is a talk between He and I. And if I am going to keep the strength, hope, faith, will and determination, I must continue to talk to Him. Besides, He has all the answers.
And I see my opponent jumping up and down. Upset because I left the ring. He thought he had me. And wearily, I smile because I realize there are 2 battles going on. I am not only battling my opponent, but I battle myself. The old self that says, “Give up and just stay this way”. The one that would say, “Since things are not changing as quickly as you feel they should, just deal with it”. I think the opponent thought my old self would just allow the easy win as well. He does not know that there is one greater emerging. And I guess I should formally introduce them… Old self, this is the New Me. Hi!