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    LIVINFIT4ME   41,636
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Whatís really going on

Friday, September 17, 2010

I havenít been on Spark in a long time. I think Iím trying to adjust to my new life and working through all the kinks. Iím definitely feeling left with less time for me Ė and then less time for workouts which is making me feel yucky! My pants are officially a little tight so I need to get back at it. Iíve been doing a ton of pilates but not so much on the running thing. I donít know what it is but every excuse in the book has come up and has prevented me from putting on the running shoes. I usually LOVE running in the fall. I am truly confused right now as to what is going on. Part of me says to go with the flow and know that the tight pants are truly just a 5 lb gain which is fixable and stoppable. Part of me knows that my current life is just so different Ė Iím dating, Iím out more so Iím eating /drinking out more and not sleeping as much, etc. Iíve moved on but I donít want to leave my Spark habits behind. I donít feel like Iím leaving them behind as its still top of mind but its not as high on the priority list as I KNOW IT SHOULD BE. I feel a little stuck between what I want to keep from my ďoldĒ life and how to move those things into my ďnewĒ life. Its like I cant make the switch over or something. I sorta wonder if the non-running is fear that Iíll relive old things/start thinking about things that I just want to avoid. I wonder if it will remind me of training during very low points in my life. On the other hand, I know I loved it before and I was doing it for me (and my dad, but thatís separate) and I KNOW that I can continue running and start over with my thinking and make new ways to get it done but something is being my roadblock and Iím thoroughly confused as to how to get around it. I even signed up for that half marathon in October that I thought would get me going. I ran for 2 weeks, had some good 9ish mile runs and just quit. I know part of it is that Iím now super busy on the weekend (good thing Ė socializing!) but its leaving less time for the good nights rest into a good long run on the weekend. This isnít supposed to sound like a b&tch session but Iím just in a brand new confusing place for me and hoping to get some insight from you amazing people out there. So, I log in today for the first time in who knows when, see Iím motivator of the day, feel yuck and need some help working out my new schedule, my new life and still getting in my necessary cardio. Strangely enough, the weights havenít been an issue to keep up (before, I was the cardio first and weights, just sometimes). The more I type this, the more it sounds like Iím trying to change ALL things from the past meÖbut I need to find a way to not change all the things I learned for me as there was positive going on in the giant pile of negatives & chaos.

My other dilemmaÖif you want to call it thatÖthat half marathon is Oct 10th, like I said, I havenít been running. Do I have to bag it? I hate that thought Ė SOOOO not me (any version of me!) but I donít know what to do? emoticon

Hope everyone is doing wellÖ.Iím really sorry Iíve been so out of touch. Life is just beyond strange the past 6 mo. or so.

A positive [feel like I need to add one in there] Ė Iím teaching pilates and spending a lot of time at the studio and absolutely love it. Also, Iím just happy. People notice. I feel it. I feel like I have come out of this shell or something that was banging me down and leaving all this weight and stress on me is now gone. I definitely made the right decision thought Iím dealing with it in a million different ways that have been unexpectedÖbut overall doing pretty good mentally which really makes me smile.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MBSHAZZER 9/22/2010 4:20PM

    Hey Sarah, I got dropped from you blogs. Good to hear you are doing well mentally! I totally understand what you are saying about running and triggering uncomfortable memories. One thing I can tell you as a long time runner is that I have run through good times and bad, and running is my rock - the one constant in my life. Maybe you can tap into the great feelings of completing races and raising money for pancreatic cancer? How good that feels?

Anyway, I'm happy to hear you are out of your shell and dating! And teaching Pilates! All great things!!!

And definitely run the half!!

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ELFITZPA 9/22/2010 4:16PM

    Hi Sarah, it's really good to get an update on you. It sounds like you're in one MAJOR adjustment period right now, with one foot into your new life and the other foot still somewhat in your old one. I'm not surprised that part of you seems to be pushing aside any bits of the "old you" and it'll probably take some time to find some hapy medium where you can accept the good bits of the past and mix them up with the future. If it helps, perhaps you can think of your running as a bridge between the old and new, seeing as you really only started racing in these last couple years - think of it as you subconsciously already starting to change. I'm sorry if I'm just babbling and not helping, but I think it sounds like you're doing a pretty good job balancing things right now. As for the half, I'd play it by ear and don't regret a DNS if that's what you decide is best for you, mentally and physically. As much as I love running and racing, it's not the end all, be all of life. Don't be a stranger!!

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SEEHOLZ 9/17/2010 11:46AM

    May do a run/walk approach, so you don't get hurt! I have been thinking more about Pilates lately, to work on my muscle imbalances-- weird, never thought I'd get to this "comfortable" place with Pilates- have not been doing it too much yet.

It's sooo good to hear from you-- it's important to spend time figuring things out- forcing yourself to run is overrated. And, when you do get back into it, you'll enjoy it more!

Take care of yourself!!

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IRNGIRL 9/17/2010 10:50AM

    Hey Sarah, it sounds like you are staying busy. A good thing at this time in your life. Be thankful for the time spent with friends socializing. It's much better than moping around an empty house. Perhaps there's a friend who might like to run "with" you? If the solo runs are reminiscent of the "past" find a partner or change your playlist in the headphones.

I don't think you should bag the race. So your training isn't what it has been in the past leading up to a race. That was "the past." Go into it with FUN on the brain and just do it to be arpund like minded athletes and have a good time. Don't even consider PR's, splits and pace. I probably wouldn't even wear a watch.

Everything will work out for you. You've made positive changes toward beginning a new happy life. Do what you LOVE...whatever that may be. Take an art class, adopt a shelter pet, volunteer at a race. The world is open for you to receive what you want. All you have to do is put it out there. Stay positive and ditch the words "can't"and "try."

emoticon emoticon Jen

Comment edited on: 9/17/2010 10:57:16 AM

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