Friday, September 17, 2010
I havenít been on Spark in a long time. I think Iím trying to adjust to my new life and working through all the kinks. Iím definitely feeling left with less time for me Ė and then less time for workouts which is making me feel yucky! My pants are officially a little tight so I need to get back at it. Iíve been doing a ton of pilates but not so much on the running thing. I donít know what it is but every excuse in the book has come up and has prevented me from putting on the running shoes. I usually LOVE running in the fall. I am truly confused right now as to what is going on. Part of me says to go with the flow and know that the tight pants are truly just a 5 lb gain which is fixable and stoppable. Part of me knows that my current life is just so different Ė Iím dating, Iím out more so Iím eating /drinking out more and not sleeping as much, etc. Iíve moved on but I donít want to leave my Spark habits behind. I donít feel like Iím leaving them behind as its still top of mind but its not as high on the priority list as I KNOW IT SHOULD BE. I feel a little stuck between what I want to keep from my ďoldĒ life and how to move those things into my ďnewĒ life. Its like I cant make the switch over or something. I sorta wonder if the non-running is fear that Iíll relive old things/start thinking about things that I just want to avoid. I wonder if it will remind me of training during very low points in my life. On the other hand, I know I loved it before and I was doing it for me (and my dad, but thatís separate) and I KNOW that I can continue running and start over with my thinking and make new ways to get it done but something is being my roadblock and Iím thoroughly confused as to how to get around it. I even signed up for that half marathon in October that I thought would get me going. I ran for 2 weeks, had some good 9ish mile runs and just quit. I know part of it is that Iím now super busy on the weekend (good thing Ė socializing!) but its leaving less time for the good nights rest into a good long run on the weekend. This isnít supposed to sound like a b&tch session but Iím just in a brand new confusing place for me and hoping to get some insight from you amazing people out there. So, I log in today for the first time in who knows when, see Iím motivator of the day, feel yuck and need some help working out my new schedule, my new life and still getting in my necessary cardio. Strangely enough, the weights havenít been an issue to keep up (before, I was the cardio first and weights, just sometimes). The more I type this, the more it sounds like Iím trying to change ALL things from the past meÖbut I need to find a way to not change all the things I learned for me as there was positive going on in the giant pile of negatives & chaos.
My other dilemmaÖif you want to call it thatÖthat half marathon is Oct 10th, like I said, I havenít been running. Do I have to bag it? I hate that thought Ė SOOOO not me (any version of me!) but I donít know what to do?
Hope everyone is doing wellÖ.Iím really sorry Iíve been so out of touch. Life is just beyond strange the past 6 mo. or so.
A positive [feel like I need to add one in there] Ė Iím teaching pilates and spending a lot of time at the studio and absolutely love it. Also, Iím just happy. People notice. I feel it. I feel like I have come out of this shell or something that was banging me down and leaving all this weight and stress on me is now gone. I definitely made the right decision thought Iím dealing with it in a million different ways that have been unexpectedÖbut overall doing pretty good mentally which really makes me smile.