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Calamine Anyone? Culled from the Generous Wife.com


Thursday, September 16, 2010

My husband did a lovely post yesterday that I want to pass on to y'all. It's a very helpful concept when you find yourself clueless over your husband's (or your own) behavior. LORI...

Imagine I had a bad sunburn, but wore a shirt so you could not see it. If you came up and hugged me (Iím from Texas, everyone hugs) it would hurt Ė probably a lot. Now imagine if rather than hugging me, you slapped me on the back Ė very hard. That would hurt even more.

In the first instance, you have no intention to hurt me Ė in fact, you intended to bless me. In the second instance what you did was not nice, and would have hurt had I not been sunburned, but my pain would be far greater than what you intended.

What if I reacted in each situation without telling you I was sunburned? In the first case you would think I was crazy, in the second you would think I was a big baby making way too much out of something minor.

The same kind of things happens in marriages all the time, except that the sunburn is wounds of the heart and mind, wounds that can never be seen. Whatís more, we tend to either not know or not care that our wounds are not the norm Ė we expect the world to see the wounds and treat us accordingly, or we think the entire world is similarly wounded and thus similarly sensitive.

So, your wife has one of these hidden sunburns, and you do something you think is nice, like a hug. She reacts with hurt or anger, and you have no idea why. She canít or wonít explain. Or, you slap her on the back and she goes off on you, telling you how mean and horrible you are. You can see that it might have been a bit much, but her reaction is so over-the-top that you feel wronged by her. Itís clear to you she is unreasonable and canít be talked to, and you pull back.

You can avoid a lot of trouble by learning see the wounds in yourself that your bride is hitting. Help her to understand, or at least be aware of, your injuries so that she can try to avoid them while you work to get them healed. Additionally, when your bride over reacts, donít chalk it up to her hormones or just being irrational Ė try to figure out if you are hitting an internal sunburn.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
NEWFLABULESS 9/28/2010 11:39PM

    Very nice - thanks for sharing

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MKPRINCESS007 9/18/2010 9:36AM

    As always......this is great. I have found that I can often be a "raw nerve" and one "wrong move" by someone can result in an inflated reaction from me. Unfair to everyone to be sure. So, I need to work on my own "stuff" and not allowing that to spill out to those that don't deserve it.

Thanks for sharing this........... :) Hugs to you, sweetie!~

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PAISHAR2 9/17/2010 7:34AM

    FROM ONE TO ANOTHER, WIFE OF 17 YEARS AND A LITTLE I HAVE LEARN. TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT EVERYTHING. WHEN YOUR HUSBAND IS TRYING TO BE SWEET AND WE WOMEN REACT THE WAY WE DO, IT MAKES THEM PULL BACK AND NOT WANT TO REACH OUT ANYMORE AND THEN WE AS WOMEN ARE WONDERING WHY.

I HAVE BEEN DOING SOME SOUL SEARCHING LATELY BECAUSE MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN DOING SOMETHING THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY . I TALK TO GOD AND CAME UP WITH I NEED TO TAKE A CHILL PILL. IT IS ME GOING THROUGH THE CHANGE AND I AM DRIVING ME CRAZY SO WHAT COULD I BE DOING TO MY HUSBAND??? SO I HAVE LEARN TO TALK TO GOD BEFORE I TALK TO MY HUSBAND AND THAT WAY IT COMES OUT NICE AND NOT LIKE I AM FUSSING!!!!!


SHARON

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