Like many people who have been overweight their entire lives, I've never danced. At least not since I was old enough to develop negative body image. At school dances, I milled about in the corner with my friends. I've never been to a club, and I've never really listened to music that could be "danced" to (though I did get very good at headbanging in high school. *tee hee*)
But I've watched my coworker taking belly dancing lessons for 5 years with buried jealousy. I wanted to try it, but always thought that I was way too fat for something like that. Who would want to watch me flub around on a stage? So, I thought, when I'm thinner, I'll do it.
But now, after doing some Zumba, and learning a few steps, I'm over it: I've decided that I want to learn to dance... NOW!
It's going to be a challenge, though. I am *not* graceful... I am *not* a dancer... But I *want* to be!
Maybe I can get the feet right, but if you ask me to do something else with my arms, the feet completely trip up. Want me to do something pretty and flow-y with my arms? Sure! Add in the feet, and I move like a rusted up Tin Man....
But despite my coordination shortcomings, I've gone to Zumba with unreasonable frequency, have delayed multiple Battlestar Galactica DVD's from Netflix in order to get dance workout DVD's, and have "danced" to the music on the radio while driving my car, which I'm sure has amused many a commuter.
And slowly--very slowly--things have become easier. My arms and feet don't fight with each other quite as much anymore. I catch on with new steps much faster, and can add some "flair" to the ones I already know.
Whenever I'm in zumba or belly dancing class, I get a big stupid grin on my face that doesn't want to go away. I've stopped holding back, stopped being embarrassed, stopped worrying about how it looks when a fat girl like me dances. I've let go, and am having the time of my life!
“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.”