Thursday, September 09, 2010
To help myself get back into the mode of exercising I have done some visualizations today. As you may have noticed I put a picture of myself thin that I made in Photoshop. I also put myself at a beach to better describe to myself why I'm doing it.
I remember in childhood when I was developing. I developed early and was very self conscious as an attractor of boys before most girls were. I couldn't easily talk about it to my girl friends that didn't like boys or have breasts yet. Still time passed and everyone graduated to bikini's and I was still in the full peices with a skirt because I was ashamed of being that 'naked'. I still feel a bit that bikini's are a standard towards women that are a bit unfair.
Before this consceousness of nudity I was always having fun at beaches. I still do but the days are filled with constantly fixing the suit on the side . I usually have swimshorts and a shirt over my full-peice. I constantly pull the legs over my cottage cheese thighs and secretly push my breasts up to hide the sag. I also avoid running because of the obsene jiggle that happens in my ass(lol) and the chafing in my legs.
I want to imagine the coolness that the hot days could have if I could wear a halter top around. How fun the water park would be if I could be in some cutt-offs and a bikini top!
Mostly I want to imagine being at a tropical beach on my honeymoon and stepping outside our hotel onto the sand in my flip flops. I will be wearing a button up (unbuttonned of course) witha bikini top under it and some little short-shorts. We walk down to the beach and lay out in the sun together. He already has a perfect body. We will be there together talking about all the stuff we are going to do in our life together while tanning ang looking at the perfect waters. Then we may go swimming and I would be in good enough shape to litterally be in the water for hours, perhaps diving down to see underwater caves and fish and coral reefs! Then he takes me to a cute little restaraunt there on the beach right in my swimsuit because I am unashamed to show up in a public place half naked, even a place where people will be able to sit and look at us for a significant amout of time. Afterwards we will go sit and build a sand castle. I will feel the moist sand all over my legs and arms and be able to completely focus on the castle. Perhaps even be able to sit in a pose that would strike him as the sexiest thing he's ever seen! the waves crash on my body we get done and still have enough energy to walk around the beach until sunset when we stumble upon a beach bar and have those drinks out of a coconut shell and dance until midnight when we finally get exhausted and go back to our room. And you can imaging the fun honeymoon happennings there, huh! Lights on, sexy undies and everyhting, lol, ;)!!!
That is why i have posted both pictures on my site. I want to see myself now and then everyday and feel a bit of the shame of being in that bikini in 'public' until I am at a normal weight range. If I can go to that honeymoon at 160 I will be the happiest girl ever!