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    KASHMIR   127,700
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How do you deal with depression?

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

I would really like to be writing a positive upbeat blog, but it’s still not happening for me. Maybe tomorrow!

I seem to be on a massive downward spiral the past 2+ weeks. My injury has turned into an excuse each evening to tune into the “I don’t care” channel. I can’t run…which is totally bringing me down, and walking is uncomfortable, so I’m afraid that uncomfortable will turn into pain, will turn into slowing my healing, will turn into months instead of weeks to be able to run again.

I’ve been considering selling my bib to the Portland Marathon. That isn’t helping my attitude either. I know it would probably be the smart thing to do, and there are plenty of buyers on Craig’s List. But, I want this year to be the year I tell Kate to take off and “run your own race”, like she did me last year. I don’t know what to do….if I sell it, guaranteed I’ll be fine to walk it come race day, if I hold out, guaranteed I’ll be in no condition to do anything more than stand on the side lines come race day.

So…my question to you all, when you are in a funk, what do you do to pull yourselves out of it. When you are hurting, how do you turn it around so you don’t turn it into a food fest of the worst sort?
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARIE625 9/9/2010 8:49PM

    I should NOT be giving advice because I tend to eat my way through my funks. But.... getting out and around others does help. As for what to do about the bib, I think Kate had the best advice. Talk to the doctor then make the decision. And definitely have dinner with Kate. Then your funk will rub off you and onto me since I'm jealous I can't have dinner with Kate. And since I already seem to be eating everything in sight, a little extra funk eating won't even be noticed.
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SEYSARAH 9/9/2010 3:35PM

    Funk times are the best times to get the dust of the "glass half full skill set" and find a silver lining to every single day and event..you CAN do this! As for the injury..all of the above advice is simply terrific. Having said that..you are one very smart Sparker..you know to listen to your body and you know how to set up mini goals while on the mend. I have a lot of faith in your ability to figure out what's best for you..and that just might be to hang on to that number as a symbol that you will do the best you can for yourself, no matter the outcome.

Have a glass half full day cuz YOU deserve it!

Nan

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MARINASHU 9/9/2010 11:07AM

    I don't have any sort of running advice, but when I feel in a funk like that it sometimes helps me to get out around some trees and nature. It always reminds me that there's a bigger picture, you know?

I hope you feel better!!!

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KEAKMAN 9/9/2010 10:51AM

    Robin, what can I say? You know I want you to be there with me, and I am fine with walking every freaking step of the marathon. But I DO NOT want you to hurt yourself! (oh, and don't read my blog today - it will make you feel worse than you already do...not my intention, but I hadn't read this until after I posted that)

So, my suggestions:

Call me and let's go to dinner or something tonight.

Call your doc (or any KP doc that you can get into right away) and go see for sure what it up. Is it muscle? Tendon? Bone? Verify. And tell him/her what you want to do on October 10.

After the doc, decide what to do about selling your bib. You know you can, since the marathon sold out. If you wait until a week before the marathon, you will still find someone who wants it.

It's just a race. One you already conquered. You have nothing to prove. And a lifetime of running to look forward to AFTER you are all healed!

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BERRY4 9/9/2010 2:23AM

    Looks like you have some great support and really solid advice already given. Having walked the Portland Marathon and ended up laid up for 2 solid months afterwards due to knee/soft tissue issues.
Whenever I am wanting something I can't have, I remind myself that it really isn't the last, only, never to happen again opportunity. There will be another time, or race, or season when you can accomplish that particular goal... But not right now.
Most of what has been suggested, I would encourage as well. Decide what you will focus on and that WILL make a difference. (ie. what you can't have or what you can & do have!)

Wish I could solve this for you, but the growing & learning comes in standing for yourself.
Best to you in the next few weeks! emoticon

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BOBBYD31 9/8/2010 10:08PM

    you know i have been thru this for a year. sell the bib an go support kate. i kept pushing the envelope and kept getting into trouble. depressed yep, frustrated even more but i wanted to run again so i quit, i just quit running. found out that i liked biking and swimming after some complete rest. turns out i love triathlons, i mean really love them. something good will come out of this just be patient(not like me)
use this time to do things that will make your running better when you are ready to go, core work, strength train, stretching(yoga) etc.
now it is all in my head, i am afraid to go or go hard, ever time something hurts or doesn't feel right i want to quit but i am going at this slow and easy my pace is 2-3 min per mile slower than last year. if the body holds and head clears you may see me at that HTC.
good luck i know it is a hard decision, i gave up 12 races already this year and have a few more that i will probably let go. do this for the long term, you body will love you for it.

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HIPPICHICK1 9/8/2010 9:47PM

    I can totally relate. When my back gives me troubles and I'm drugged up for days and in pain so bad I can't sleep, well I take more drugs! Sometimes I have a shot of scotch. And then I seek out what the "real" problem is. See, I hold stress in my back and neck, so when it goes, almost always it has to do with something stressing me out. For you this isn't the case.

If it were me, I would definitely play it safe with the knee. I know you feel 25, but you're not. I feel safe pointing this out only because we are the same age. And I feel 25 and invincible and proud of what my much smaller body is capable of doing, but for years and years before that I abused my joints by carrying around way too much weight.

If it were me I would sell the bib and figure out a way to work out without further injury to my knee. I might focus on strength training for the upper body seeing as most women are weak in that area. I would look at my caloric intake and be prepared to take it down in accordance with my lack of activity. I would let my knee heal and while it does I would do something else with my time, like organize my head, calendar, my Xmas card list and my messy desk. I would make up menus for the week and write in my journal. I would read a book just for fun and take it slow getting back into running.

Sending you love and strength and a light to find your way.
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ZIRCADIA 9/8/2010 8:54PM

    I try to focus on what is really within my control -- when I couldn't run I said - what can I do to make myself recover as best as possible? Instead of focusing on what I COULDN'T do I focused on what I COULD do and threw myself into rowing and spin classes and trying to swim. *HUGS* I know it is soooo frustrating. Could you volunteer at Portland and sell your bib? Would that feel more satisfying than walking it? To know that you are contributing and making this decision to help yourself heal and support other runners rather than walk the whole way wishing you could be running? I just phrase it that way because I think that's what I'd be doing. Cursing myself and my injury for 26.2 miles and that does not appeal to me. I also second the yoga classes!!! The mind body connection is SO healing. Especially the moments when the instructor asks you to honor your body and thank yourself for the time spent in practice. It makes you feel so good! At least me. :)

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LYNNANN43 9/8/2010 8:50PM

    I've been in a bad "funk" the past few days. I can't figure out why.

I promised myself if I ever felt the dark feelings creeping back in, I would try to reach out to others this time. I shared with my one close SP team (Thank you, BLC CAMO Crew!) and I tried to explain my feeling to my husband (who has never struggled with depression or anxiety.)

I was able to get myself out the door and to Burlesque Dance & Yoga classes tonight. It really helped being around people having such a good time & laughing at burlesque.

I'm feeling a little better now. I hope that you too, can find something that helps you to "come back out to the light." (My husband left me a sweet note this morning and used that term.)

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Lynn

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GAYEMC 9/8/2010 8:23PM

    Robin, I am the worst person to give advice about funks! I have terrible SAD so the last 2 days haven't been great.

First of all, remember you are already a marathoner! That's an amazing accomplishment. And you can still go tell Kate to run her race. I'm doing the Mayor's walk again this year so if you decide to sell your bib and you feel like you can walk, join me (at your pace). We can watch Kate and other Sparkers take off and then meet them at the finish line.

In the mean time, listen to your body. It knows what's right.
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CASSIOEPIA 9/8/2010 7:54PM

    Robin, when I'm in a funk, I tend to trade in my high cardio for low (ie running and biking for walking and yoga). Since you aren't running or walking, how about some gentle yoga. Treat yourself with care right now, and give that ol' inner hug.

I also do other quiet activities. I know I am less responsive on these blogs, and other SP activities. I tend to read more.

And I've found that it helps to always go back to my FastBreak goals, or baby steps as I like to call them. Nothing overwhelming, just a couple simple goals that will help me get through a rough week.

Small successes lead to bigger ones later on, so don't be afraid to go small for a while.
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Feel better soon.

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JOYFULJUDYLYNN 9/8/2010 7:23PM

    I really have no advice. I couldn't walk a marathon right now if my life depended on it. I just wanted you to know that I read your words and am sending (((hugs))). When I get dissapointed and feel like my goals are slipping away, I find it's time to re-prioritize my life... or perhaps just remind myself of what my priorities are. And your long term health is probably near the top of that list.

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TOWHEE 9/8/2010 7:20PM

    I know it's been a very disappointing summer for you and I really, truly sympathize. It sounds to me that you need to get out and DO SOMETHING, anything. It's cabin fever at it's worst. Can you swim or ride a bike? Would Pilates or Yoga work for you? You need something to get those endorphins flowing again and you're a clever enough person to think outside the box and find a solution.
As far as the marathon bib, I have no answers. You are in a completely different world than the one I'm in. I admire you for your determination and awed by your understanding of what it will take to get you whole again.
Portland reminds you of "what might have been". Is there some way you can escape for a while? Maybe go back to Muir Woods or some touristy place outside of the Portland/Vancouver metro area.

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Margaret


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