Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Have you ever been in a situation of your own device that renders you feeling completely embarrassed and ashamed? That's where I am today. I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I've been overweight as far back as I can remember.
In 2004, I underwent bariatric surgery to assist with weight loss. I did incredibly well for about 4 years. I went from 382 pounds in 2004 down to 196 pounds in 2008. In January 2008, my hubby and I went through a separation. By May of that year, we'd moved back in together. Soon after, things went back to the way they were before. I coped with this by testing my limits, pushing the limits, and finally shattering the limits of the amount of food my smaller stomach would hold. I started drinking soda again, I started eating foods that contained a lot of fat and sugar again. Amazingly, I suffer very little dumping syndrome, so that hasn't served as a deterrent to my self-destructive behavior.
From July 2008 to the present, I have gained back up to 273 pounds. I'm incredibly discouraged, embarrassed, and ashamed that I have allowed this to happen. To add to that shame, my father gave me the "talk" about my weight this weekend. He reminded me that when I'm in my 50's the weight is going to take a much greater toll on my well-being. Heck, it's already taking a toll on me. I hurt constantly from the weight. That's compounded by the rheumatoid arthristis that I've been recently diagnosed with. I can't believe how much it hurts...and to think that I'm still over 100 pounds lighter than I was when I started! If I allow myself to gain any more weight, I'm afraid that I'll altogether lose the will to live.
I've been involved with SparkPeople on and off in the past. My friend Beth is a spark FANATIC! She has lost over 130 pounds with the help of Sparkpeople. So, finally, I've pulled my head out of the sand and decided that it's time to get back to sparking! I don't know where to begin, so I'm beginning at the BEGINNING again. I'm going to start changing one small thing at a time and continue adding on to that as I can. I'm hoping that I can do this. I felt so good when I'd gotten down below 200 pounds... and it hurts so much again now... I've gotta lose this weight again. I realize that I will never be a skinny person, and that's okay with me. But I need to be healthy so that I will be able to see my son grow up.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom, encouragement, or advice? I could really use it now. Thanks so much!