Tuesday, September 07, 2010
I am very thankful today is a new day and a new week, where I can determine to get back on track and get my butt back in a motivational gear. Normally I don't do too badly with my eating on weekends, but for the past week, I have failed miserably. And what is so disheartening is I knew what I was doing and I knew the choices I made were extremely bad and I would suffer the consequences. But yet I continued to make horrible choices.
For five and a half months I learned to make wise choices and making those almost seemed effortless. I did allow myself an occasional treat and had no problem saying NO to anything more. But a week ago, I'm not certain how or why it happened, but I allowed myself a second indulgence in a day, when I should have said no, you've had enough. But I thought, its only one extra treat and I will be back on track tomorrow. Well, its been a week and tomorrow didn't happen. One extra ice cream cone turned into a pizza, then more ice cream, then a lot of brownies, and this weekend was the worst. When I grocery shop, I do not bring junk in the house. If I want a treat, I normally bake something or buy a single serving, eat it and I am done with it. But something in me snapped Saturday. I bought a Churro (oh they are so good), then I bought 4 slices of cheesecake (a sample pack) then a half gallon of ice cream. Monday we had a picnic and I also broke down and ate a slice of carrot cake. I was SOOOO beyond mad at myself. I got on the scale anticipating a gain, but was really hoping I would not have one. Who was I trying to kid?? I put on 5 lbs last week with all my carelessness.
BUT - today is a new day and the beginning of a new work week. I am back into my regular routine and though I am so mad at myself for all my stupidity, I am determined to get back into a serious right frame of mind. When I woke up this morning I looked in the fridge at the remaining cheesecake. I stared at it for awhile debating what I should do. Leave it for hubby? Wait & eat it at a latter time? No, I grabbed it & threw it in the garbage. It doesn't need to be in the house. Then I opened the freezer. Yea, the ice cream will keep - after all it's frozen. I can have a bit on occasion if I incorporate it in my food log. But NO - I knew I had been bad long enough. I reached in and threw the remaining ice cream in the garbage. I ate enough sweets & junk in the past week to last me the rest of the year. I certainly don't need or want the temptation. I have worked so hard the past five months to eliminate the excess weight, I don't want anything else to tempt me to put it back on. So, it had to go.
I am sitting her today so mad at myself I could spit. I thought I had gotten a handle on all this binge eating stuff. I thought I was able to now make better choices, but I can see that if the offer presents itself, despite my gained knowledge, I am still prone to falling down. I'm just glad that five pounds is all I have to show for my bad choosing. But today is definitely a new and better day. I am back on track and determined to learn from this episode and more determined to not allow it to happen again.