Monday, September 06, 2010
When I started this journey, I expected to lose weight quickly, like when I was in my 20's and it just fell off. Being a yo-yo dieter and loser all of my life, I quickly became very frustrated when it didn't come off quickly, or at ALL! I started to exercise, still, nothing. Watched what i ate, felt like I was doing it "right", nothing. Time to revamp!
I started exercising more, really watching what I put in my body, realizing that I have to switch up my calorie days, most of the time staying on the very low range of what I'm "allowed" to eat. I have read, researched, altered, taken many deep breaths and changed my mentality- slow is better, slow is better, slow is better. This is where I have to keep my mind. Drink water, think about everything I put in my mouth, realize that donuts and sugar make me feel horrible.
Fast forward almost two months, of really watching myself, increasing my work outs to things I thought I would NEVER be able to do. Knee pain, muscle fatigue, rest, water, tracking everything I put in my mouth, not "cheating" myself of the future health and body that I can have. I have a friend who works out every day, she is in great shape! At times I can't help to be a little envious of her petite size 2 muscular frame. It hit me yesterday though when I saw her- she has been doing this for 13 years. YES- 13 YEARS...me, two months. Ok, step back, realize that this is a life style change, a slow process, and that I need to revel in the small changes I already see in my body after two months. Imagine what I will be like in a year!
Exercise- I used to hate that word! Don't get me wrong, there are days when I am tired, stressed, would rather flop on the couch and just lay there. But, I do it, I get up and I do it. I am very lucky that I have an extremely supportive boyfriend who works out with me, helps our family eat healthier and pushes me when I don't want to be pushed!
This is for me, my family, my health and it's forever. I have learned sugar gives me an instant headache, I have learned that what I put in my body equals a lot of how I feel for the day. It's not worth the headaches and sugar crashes to eat that old yummy treat that I used to look forward to. Water is good, my body craves it now if I don't get enough of it. I do need to work on forgiving myself though if I do slip up. I'm not perfect, and I cannot totally deprive myself of having a goodie now and again.
My mother was a tiny woman, who exercised, and watched what she ate all the time. I have to admit that in a way I think she gave me a complex about my weight. The "Oh- if you would only lose the weight you would be stunning" comments stuck in my head, especially over the last few years when I did gain a lot of weight and went through a crappy divorce and my mother's cancer diagnosis and her death. Part of me wanted to rebel, just stay fat, who cares, right? Well, I won't let that defeat me. I won't be the fat girl with the pretty face who is embarrassed to be around my friends, who wears the same thing day in, day out because my closet is full of my "skinny" clothes that just don't fit me.
I have already dropped a pant size, lost almost 11 pounds, many inches, see definition, feel so much better after I exercise, and will see the results I want- it's not easy, but it's doable. I will be the person on the outside the person that I am on it the inside!
Part of this challenge is breaking unhealthy habits- I need to quit smoking- yes, I KNOW- enough said on that subject!
So, now, I track, track, track, and push myself and prove to myself that I can be fit and healthy!